I blush at his words. “I thought….”
“You thought we were turning into something.” It wasn’t a question. “That’s my fault. I like spending time with you, but I see now that you were reading too much into it.”
I’m still just looking at the guy. I know I’m blinking twice as much as usual, and that could be to stem the tide of tears that are just sitting there. Tears that I will not allow to fall in front of him.
“I’d better go.” He starts toward the door but stops. Without looking back at me, he asks, “You want help cleaning up?”
I stare some more, but when his question hits me, I flinch. “No.” I don’t want fucking help cleaning up. “I don’t need a thing from you, Luke. You run along now.” I stand up so I can lock the door behind him. Keeping my head held high. Yes, my nose is in the air, but it’s the way it has to be.
“Babe.”
Holding up my hand, I focus on calmness. “Just so you know, I was a little confused aboutus.” I point back and forth between us. How could I not be? “Sure, I knew where you stood and that there is nous. I’m fine with that. I crossed the line, pulling you in for a kiss, and I’m sorry for it.” More than he’ll ever know. “It won’t happen again.”
Luke’s turn to flinch.
“But hear this.” I’m now a foot from the man. “I’m done here. You need to step back. Don’t ‘stop over.’ Don’t bring me food like it’s a goddamn date.”
“Babe—”
I halt him with my hand again. “Stop using endearments like ‘babe’”—I say the word in a stupid deep voice—“and ‘honey.’ I’m not your honey.” Obviously. “Don’t act like a boyfriend if you don’t want to be one.”
“We’re friends.”
Shaking my head, I walk to the door, turn the knob, and open it for him. “No. We’re not friends.”
His head jerks back at my words, and a tiny part of me feels guilty for it, but I meant it.
“Go home, Luke. Have a good life.”Without me.
“You’re serious?” He’s got both hands on his hips now. “You’re done with me?”
Now it’s my turn to flinch. “I never had you to be ‘done’ with in the first place. You never let me in. I can’t be done with someone who only let me see the surface. You never allowed me to be part of the friendship. This thing with us was always on your terms. A real friendship goes both ways.”
A tear slides down my cheek, and I feel it because it’s burning a line down my face.
“Yeah,” he says, stepping over the threshold. “Whatever.”
And then he’s gone.
“Shit.” More tears fall. “Shit, shit, shit.”
I miss him already. So damn much.
