Nash chuckles. He thinks it’s funny now, but he won’t after I’m done. “I’m ready, kitten.”
“Don’t call me ‘kitten.’” I’m a lioness, dammit.
“Isabelle.”
“Better.” I pause. “I’m not sure where to start, so I’ll go back to the beginning.”
“The beginning?”
“Shut. It,” I snap.
“Shutting it,” he says quickly.
“Let me start at the beginning. Again.”
“Okay.”
I don’t say a word. I meant what I said. He needs to just let me spew all of my crap.
“Sorry.” He sounds remorseful.
“Anyway, I was a teen, and one day I walked into the family room and saw you playing video games with Isaac and it hit me.” I pause, thinking he’s going to interject, but he doesn’t. “That’s the day I fell in love with you.”
I hear him inhale on the other end of the line, but he says nothing. Good boy.
“After that day, all I could imagine was you and me. Nash and Isabelle sitting in a tree, etcetera. I pictured our wedding day, my dress, your suit, and then I saw our kids. Three of them. Two boys and one girl.”
I can’t believe I’m saying this to him. This is like unlocking my diary and just handing it to him. Terrifying. Humiliating.
“Then, you started dating Ivy. I was pretty bummed out about that, but I remained optimistic. I mean, Ivy was Ivy. I didn’t fathom anyone could stand to be with her for very long.” I snort a laugh. “I guess I was wrong about that because you were with her a long time. Then, Andi.”
“Yeah.”
I let that one slide. “So, Andi came, and I figured the two of you would live happily ever after. I went off to college. I wasn’t looking, but lots of people meet their husbands and wives at college. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen for me. Instead of fretting about that, I focused on school and made some great friends. I remember hearing about Ivy’s disappearing act, but I wouldn’t allow myself to hope.”
“Isabelle—”
I ignore him. “After graduation, the only job I could find was back here. Then that night of the open house, I saw you for the first time since Isaac’s wedding, and you acted like you had no idea who I was.”
“I knew.”
“Please let me—”
“Sorry.”
“Then, Nicole begged me to talk to you about Andi. I didn’t want to because: a) you didn’t seem to remember me, and b) you were a jerk-and-a-half.”
“I was. I’m sorry.”
“So, when you finally acquiesced and let me help Andi and we started to become friends, I couldn’t help but hope again.” This next part is even more embarrassing than admitting my teen crush. “Then you propositioned me in your living room, and while it irked me that you’d lump me in with your hookups, I thought it was interesting you acted that way toward me. It meant that, perhaps, I wasn’t just Isaac’s little sister––that you saw me as a woman, something I liked very much.”
“You are a woman. A sexy, gorgeous woman.”
“I had fun pretending to date you, but when you blurted to everyone and their dog about us getting married, it got real. Marriage is something I take seriously. It’s sort of sacred to me, and you were throwing it around so flippantly that it hit me at my core. You seemed sorry for it, but not the way I’d hoped.
“You’ve been there for me and my family, and I can’t thank you enough for that, but I can’t sit by and be used just to prove to Ivy that you’ve moved on or that you’re providing a stable home for Andi. Everyone knows you’re already doing that, and honestly, I deserve better than that. So, in answer to your question at the end of your letter, no, I can’t just keep doing what we’re doing. I can’t pretend to date you or be engaged to you if it’s not real. I want it all, Nash. And if you aren’t willing to give it to me, to give me everything, then respect me enough to leave me alone and let me, hopefully, find the person who will.”
There’s a long silence between us. I’ve said what I needed to say, and now I almost regret it. He could hang up right now, and that would be that.
