Chapter 19
Lainie
Wow. I have no words right now. Okay, I do have words, I’m just not sure I have the energy to say them.Wow.That’s about the only thing my brain can process right now. Making love with Keeton Gustafson was beyond words. I knew sex would feel good, but I had no idea it could feel that good. After the second time, I watched him stride confidently to the bathroom. His backside is amazing, and his muscled back flexed as he walked. But, the return view was even better, and with him he brought a warm washcloth. He used it on me to soothe my lady parts. We used protection, but I’m not going to lie; part of me wished he hadn’t worn a condom. I’ve always wanted a family. But having unprotected sex is irresponsible, especially for someone my age. What kind of example would I be for Keely and Violet if I just willy-nilly got pregnant with a man I just met? With a man I barely know. Heck, I don’t even know if he wants children. Yep. Irresponsible.
Right now, I’m snuggled up against the most gorgeous, sweetest, sexiest man I’ve ever seen. His big arms are wrapped around me, holding me to him, and my head is on his chest. His breathing has slowed and gotten sort of rhythmic. He’s sleeping. I need to do that too. I’m tired from everything but I’m afraid if I go to sleep, I’ll wake up and this will all have been a dream. I poke my head up to check the time. Two in the morning. I’ve been lying here, wide awake, for over an hour. I carefully lay my head back, thinking about earlier. After he cleaned me up, he gave me one of his GCM tees and pulled me out into the kitchen to one of the stools at his breakfast bar. I watched as Keeton made us steak and eggs. Thank goodness, because I was starving since we really didn’t finish dinner. After that, we ate the dessert (apple pie à la mode) out on his deck that overlooked his pool and land––lots of land. “How much of this is yours?” I asked once I’d had more than enough pie.
The moon was full enough to illuminate his property so he pointed to his right and said, “From that tree line way over there,” his arm swings left, “to that one over there.”
“Wow, that’s a big lot. So, this is all yours? You live here alone?”
“I do.”
“Don’t you ever get lonely?” I know I would. I need people around me, even if it’s just a neighbor.
He pulled my hand, tugging me until I was on his lap. He brushed my hair away from my face and kissed my cheek. “I do. But, you’re here now. How can I be lonely with you here?”
I laughed. “I won’t be here forever.”
“Why not?” He smirked. “Plenty of room.”
“Keeton,” I laughed again and slapped his chest playfully. I mean, he couldn’t be serious, right?
He kissed my neck and whispered in my ear, “Just think about it.”
I froze on the spot.Was he serious?While my inner, romantic wanted to jump up and down and yell, ‘Yes! Yes! Yes!’ at the top of my lungs. Lainie the realist knows this isn’t a fairy tale. It’s not real. Relationships in the real world, the one I was just divorced in, knows it’s too soon.Waaaayyytoo soon. While I wanted to ignore him, that’s taking the easy way out. I can’t do that. If this is anything at all, I need to be honest with him. I need to explain. Turning to look at him I smile. “I’m going to tell you a story and hope you’ll listen to it from start to finish. Will you do that?”
He nods.
I slide off his lap to sit across from him because I can’t think straight in that position. “I won’t bore you with all of the details of my fake marriage, but I need to give you some back story, so you know where I’m coming from. That okay?”
“Of course it’s okay.” He leans forward in his seat, hands clasped together between his legs.
“First, the reason I married Lewis was because I didn’t think I’d ever get married. I never thought anyone would ever ask me so when he told me what he needed, I jumped at the chance. I figured I could live with him, finish school since I had one year of college under my belt, start a career and we’d end things once he was more secure in his job.”
I stand up and walk over to his railing. Turning to face him, I go on. “I was the first of my girlfriends to get married. Dad was happy for me but apprehensive, and my sisters thought I was the bomb.” I laugh. “For once, I wasn’t the ugly, fat one. I was the bride.” Keeton makes a growly noise, but I ignore it and continue. “The wedding was small.” I roll my eyes. “I guess they call it intimate. I wore a plain white dress I found at a discount plus size store and carried a bouquet from the grocery store. My dad was confused because I guess he thought his oldest daughter, and first to marry, should have a big wedding. I swear,” I laugh again, “My dad thought I was knocked up.” I laugh some more. “What a joke, right?”
Keeton stands and walks to stand next to me.
“I moved into the condo Lewis had just purchased and that was it. I had my own room, which was good. But, it wasn’t easy. Living with Lewis was, at times, unbearable. He expected me to doalmosteverything a wife is supposed to do. He wanted me to clean, cook, look pretty,” I say snidely. “He was always on me about my weight, what I wore, what I ate, and when I told him I was going to continue to work on my degree, he went ballistic.”
“Why?” Keeton has reached out now, his hand on the arm I’ve got resting on the railing.
I shrug. “He liked it the way it was. I think he figured if I got a degree, I’d leave him as soon as I graduated.”
“So, what’d you do?”
“I did what he asked me to do. Until I didn’t.” I chuckle. “I started to ‘disobey’ him.” I say with air quotes. “I listened to him talking to his investment buddies and took notes. Then, I started investing. I made enough in six months to start taking online classes. It took me almost four years to finish but I earned my degree in English plus I continued to make money investing. Not a ton, but enough.”
“I think I know what you’re going to say now.”
“Oh?”
“You’re going to say you’re not ready to be tied down again.” He runs his thumb over my cheek, pushing my dark hair behind one ear. “That you want get to know yourself again.”
“I know myself. I’ve always known myself, but I did get a little lost while I was married to him. Torn between my role as a wife and knowing it was all a sham. I was living some kind of weird alternate reality designed by Lewis.”
“He divorcedyou? Why?”
