Chad took a deep breath.“I am him, Romeo.”
“Not in my eyes, and I don’t have anything to say toyou.”
He hoped that was enough to get this Chad to go, but again, he stayed.
“And if ...your Chadwas here, would you have something to say to him?”
He wouldn’tsayanything, he’d scream and holler, beg, and demand, and it would all be the same question.
Romeo nodded.“Why...I’d ask himwhy?”
“From what Ally and Josh told me, Keeley, too ...I was struggling.I was barely sleeping, plagued by nightmares—”
“I know Chad had nightmares,” Romeo snapped.“I was lying next tohimwhen he did.He said he heard voices, his tormentors, but he couldn’t recall what they were saying.I held him after every one.”
“You heldmeafter every one.”
“No!”Romeo bellowed.“Not you.”
“Fine.”Chad shuffled uncomfortably.“From what I’ve learned,your Chadhad a lot going on.A lot that might explain why he made that decision that day.”
“He didn’t call me, or send a message, or leave me a damn note,” Romeo lashed out at the rowing machine with his good hand.“Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do, leave a note.”
“Not everybody leaves a note.Keeley said she was concerned about me at my last session.”
“Then she could’ve stopped it!”
“I didn’t outright tell her of my intentions, she just felt something was off about me, something was different.”
“Why didn’t you tell me, Chad?”Romeo twisted around to look at him.“If you’re really him, then tell me, why didn’t you tell me?I thought you were happy—”
“How could I have been happy with all the shit going on—”
“Happy with me.I told you things would be okay.You kissed me like you believed it.”
Chad looked away.“I don’t remember that.”
“You lied to me.Why didn’t you just tell me how close you were?If I’d had known I would’ve...”
“Would’ve what?”
“Taken you away from here,” Romeo swallowed.“For longer.For good.”
Chad touched his temple.“It might not have helped what was going on in here.”He lowered his hand.“Would a note really have helped?”
Romeo thought about it.“No.I still would’ve been angry, and angry at myself.”
“For not knowing what I was planning?”
“No.For letting myself fall for my Chad in the first place.”
“Falling isn’t a conscious decision.If it was, it would be jumping.”
Romeo snorted bitterly.
“You can’t blame yourself for falling,” Chad whispered.“Same way I can’t.No matter how much I want to run from it, I can’t.”
“Maybe so, but there was a time where I could’ve grabbed something on the way down, pulled myself clear,” he smirked.“I could’ve killed you and this,” he gestured to the outhouse, “would not be happening.”
