“I ...we talked.”
“Do you remember what you talked about?”
“Not really.She left the room to check on Thomas, and I was feeling tired.I laid down.I fell asleep.”
“And when she came back.”
Chad blew out a breath.“I don’t know.She was there.”
“Where?”
“In front of me, and she walked around her desk and sat down.She smiled, and I smiled back.It’s hazy as hell.I...I can’t remember, Josh.But I didn’t feel worried, or like I was in danger.”
“It’s okay,” Josh said.“Did you have a coffee every session after that one?”
“I think so.It was just part of it.Small talk, coffee, then ...then...”Chad exhaled a long breath.
“It’s okay,” Josh said again.
Chair legs scraped.
Romeo wished he could see what was going on below him.
“She made me one at our session before my holiday.I didn’t drink it, though.I went downhill so fast.”
“What do you mean?”
“I felt awful, and in my head, it was justified.I deserved to feel awful for everything that happened, but it...I felt unwell.Physically and mentally.There were times on that holiday where I thought I was losing my mind.I’d wake up in the middle of an activity, just drop back into my own body with no idea how I got there.I was tired, more tired than I’ve felt in my life, and it was difficult to eat.”
“In what way?”
“I wanted to be sick all the time, but there was barely enough in me to keep me upright, let alone vomit into the toilet bowl.There were moments I didn’t know where I was, didn’t know what day it was, couldn’t even recall my own name.But they would pass, and I just thought I was coming down with the flu.”
“I looked up serious side effects of Zolpidem,” Josh said.“Memory loss seems to be a big one.”
“I had it before I went away, jumps of time I couldn’t account for, but it was so much worse when I was at the cottage with Frank.Zolpidem and LSD ...why those?”
“They must’ve been the substances she found success with.Something to put you to sleep, and something to stimulate your brain while you were unconscious so she could speak to you.She probably built up the amount so the withdrawal of both would hit you hard.”
“She wanted me to jump.I can remember that now ...her voice, telling me it would be better if I jumped.All I needed to do was jump and all the pain and confusion would end, and I did.”
“You’re still here,” Josh said firmly.“She didn’t get you.”
They carried on talking, but the topic changed from Keeley to Mercutio, then Angel.Josh’s friendly demeanor came back, and on more than one occasion he managed to make Chad laugh.
Mercutio waddled back downstairs as Josh was pulling on his coat.
“You look after him for me,” Chad said.
“I am,” Josh replied, sounding proud.
“I was actually talking to Merc.”
“Oh.He does the opposite,” Josh said.
“How?”
“He chews up my shoelaces so I can’t tighten them, causing me to trip over my own feet and fall down the stairs.”
