“You struggled after Lucinda, you—”
“Do you want to know your mistake?”
Keeley stilled.
“I went to see you after I saw Romeo at the end of Ally’s garden.”His gaze dropped to the table.“You kept offering me coffee, not in a polite way, but in a pushy one.I kept declining, but when you eventually made your own, youaccidentallymade me one too.You were more concerned with trying to get me to drink coffee than the apparent hallucination I’d seen of the serial killer that kidnapped me.”
“I offered you a drink,” Keeley blurted.“You can’t condemn me for that.It was to help you relax, steady your nerves.”
“When I told Romeo I’d tried to kill myself, it was his reaction.His shock, his hurt, his anger that confirmed it for me.Something wasn’t right.There was something missing.I’d promised him we’d die together you see, and I’d run off and threw myself from a bridge without him.”
Chad reached over the arm of the sofa again and grabbed his folder.
He opened it up on his lap.
“Do you know this man?”he asked, holding up a print out of Thomas Clegg.
Keeley didn’t answer.
“Of course you do.He’s one of your clients after all.He burst into one of our sessions, disheveled, desperate.I ...froze.”
“And I calmed you down after his interruption.”
“He killed himself a week later.Jumped from the top floor of the parking ramp at St Johns.”
Keeley bowed her head.“I’m well aware of the clients I have failed.Thomas had a turbulent history with his mental health.It was not his first suicide attempt—”
“It was his last, though.”Chad held up the next print off.“Alexandra Taylor.Another of your clients.She was suffering from postpartum depression and jumped with her son, Issac, from a bridge to the road below, killing them both.”
“I know she did.I tried to help her.I tried to help Thomas, but in my line of work it’s a sad occupational hazard.My clients are troubled.They are suffering.I can’t always save them from themselves and every failure cuts deep.I carry it with me.You’re showing me two of my clients, two that tragically died, but where are the success stories, the people I’ve helped, the ones I’ve saved.”Keeley held up a shaky hand, gesturing towards Romeo.“This ishisinfluence.”
Romeo glared at the back of her head.“Hehas a name.”
“I’m not a bad person, Chad,” Keeley said.“I try my best.I can’t help everybody.But I’m not...I’m not poisoning cups of coffee and talking people to their death.Can you hear how crazy that sounds?”
“It does sound crazy,” Chad agreed.
“And poisoned with what exactly?”
“Zolpidem and LSD.”
“LSD?”she laughed.“How would I even get it?”
“I’m sure you found a way.”
“Chad—”
“You should see the side effects and I’m not just talking about when you take them, I’m talking about when you take themaway.Months of slow build up, reliance, and then to go cold turkey.”Chad shook his head.“Withdrawal is hell, and it’s made worst by not knowing why you feel so awful.You’re confused.Time seems to jump.You wake up, not knowing where you are or what you’re doing.I wasn’t sleeping.My head was a mess.I felt ...ill.I don’t remember getting into the car that day to visit Josh.I don’t remember walking miles to get to that bridge.I don’t remember jumping.But I do remember what it felt like to hit the water—utter confusion, and panic.I do remember what it was like struggling to break the surface, desperate not to drown.And when I did, I shouted for Romeo.”
Romeo looked at Chad.He could picture it.Water rushed in his ears.He felt the spray on his face.Chad had called for him.He’d broken the surface and called for him before being swept under.
Keeley scooted to the edge of her chair.“At our last session before you jumped, we spoke about medication, perhaps those symptoms you described were a side effect of whatever you were taking.”
“I wasn’t talking anything.When I think back to our sessions, I can’t remember them.I remember the surface level stuff, the small talk, but then nothing.An hour session and I can’t recall anything.I left feeling better for talking to you, not really understanding why, and that night I would sleep, and the dreams wouldn’t bother me.”
“Because I help you.”Keeley said, stabbing her forefinger onto her knee.“You’re my client and I care about you.”
“The dreams would get worse during the week.I thought I heard voices tormenting me.I’d wake up confused, irritable, distressed, and then it would be Saturday again.I’d have your session and I’d feel good, I’d feel lighter, and I’d sleep better that night, but the dreams would come back, and it was a cycle that kept repeating.”Chad shook his head.“But they weren’tvoices, it was your voice, and the sound of storm, and you told me to jump.You told me I’d feel better if I jumped.Everyone would be happier if I jumped.Is that what you said to Alexandra when she was passed out on your couch too?”
