She bit into her rib, and I watched her eyes close for a split second before she spoke. “I admit, breaking up with you wasn’t solely my decision. My parents had plans for my life before I even knew you were into illegal things. They wanted me to be with and marry someone of my caliber. Someone safe, as they put it. They were skeptical about you because you never really gave them much, and I was trying to convince them that you were a good person?—”
I cut her off. “I am a good person.”
“You are, but they didn’t see that side of you. You were so tight-lipped, vague, and quiet that they had already drawn their conclusions about you before actually getting to know you. I also broke up with you because you lied to me. You were my best friend, . . . my everything, and to find out that you were, indeed, into illegal shit, broke my heart and made everything my parents said about you true.”
I cleared my throat and slightly pulled my beard. “No disrespect to my in-laws, but fuck what they thought about me. They may have been right about what they thought of my family, but I would have never put you in harm’s way.”
“How could you have guaranteed that? Look what’s happening with Emil and Ellis. It could have been you being judged by twelve or carried by six.”
“Neither one of those things will ever happen to me. I’m not the face of the family business. I’m the man behind the curtain, setting shit in motion. No one knows me on the illegal side of things. My brother handles that, and he’s not doing agood job, as you can see. But fuck all of that. This isn’t about my profession. This is about me and you, and what’s going to happen moving forward.”
“Emery, please. If you love me like you say you do, you will let me be happy.”
“Are you?”
“Am I what?”
“Are you happy? I mean genuinely, 100 percent happy. Don’t lie to me either.”
She looked down at her plate, pushing her mac around.
“I was happy. Now I’m just . . . mid. Liam’s a great guy, and I know he loves me and wants to take care of me, but he doesn’t know how to separate work from his personal life. I’m not trying to be bratty, but I miss having intimate moments with him. I crave attention and love. I can slowly feel that slipping away.” She shook her head. “I don’t even know why I told you all of that. It’s clear you don’t give a damn what I feel about him. You’re already threatening to kill him.”
“What did I tell you at the restaurant?”
She giggled. “You said a lot of shit.”
“I did. But I also said I was going to allow him to continue to fuck up so I can catch you before you fall.”
“I’m not going to fall. I can’t fall. And I can’t fall back in love with you.”
“You never fell out,” I affirmed and sipped my drink. “I need that time back, Yumi. It was stolen from us because of your people. I got it. We were young and naive. But I know what I felt for you, and wasn’t anything puppy about what we had.”
“I don’t want to hurt him.”
“But it’s okay for him to hurt you? How does that work exactly?”
She fell silent as I watched her closely. She was only trying to stick beside him because she was forcing shit between them. Shedidn’t love that nigga like she loved me. She was just too afraid to disappoint her raggedy ass parents; she was going to force this narrative with Action Jackson to appease them.
“You don’t have to respond to that. I just want to know if we have any chance of getting back to us. Things and times have changed, but I’m hoping you don’t think about anyone or anything else, and put yourself and happiness first for a change.”
“You don’t understand.”
“I do, baby, but I don’t care about that. I want to do it to you, for you, and with you.”
“He’s going to propose, Emery. I saw the ring box at his place last week. I don’t want to hurt him just because you’re chasing a past that should be left where it is.”
“I’m retiring soon,” I revealed. “I haven’t told anyone yet, but I’m getting away from the illegal business and focusing on the legal side of things. My pops wants me to marry the daughter of one of the five families to continue a legacy I’m not allowing to be mine.
“Been doing this shit for too long, and I want out. I want a normal fucking life where I don’t have to look over my shoulder, make deals with shady motherfuckas, or kill anyone. I want my queen and my kids to be able to move around freely without the threat of danger looming. I want love, happiness, and all the shit that comes along with that.”
“Why now? What brought about the change?”
“You.”
“Me?”
“Yeah. You have always been my motivation. That’s why not being with you isn’t an option. I need my peace back.”
