“How about you.How was your date?”
She looks over nervously.“Fine.It wasn’t a date, though.We were just getting together.He wanted to show me something.”
I’m sure he did.She doesn’t elaborate, and I’m feeling too stubborn to ask for more information.
“Cali, I was wondering—can I have that sketch you did today?”
What?That’s what she’s thinking about?We are seriously in two different worlds right now.In fact, there’s a deep chasm in our friendship that I’m responsible for.If I hadn’t dragged Gen to Lake Tahoe this summer, none of this would have happened.Eric and I probably would have broken up, but at least I wouldn’t be in a love triangle withmy best friend.
“Why?”I ask, because the request seems odd under the circumstances.There’s no way Gen can’t feel the strain in our friendship.Or maybe, because I’m the one who caused the problem, I’m the only one who knows it exists.I never ’fessed up to my feelings for Jaeger.I’ve been too busy denying them.
She brushes nonexistent dirt off her shorts.“I don’t know.I just liked it.”
“Sure, Gen,” I say harshly, rising as I do.I’m taking out my anger on her and she doesn’t deserve it, but I can’t help myself.“Have whatever of mine you want.”I walk inside the house, grab the pad, and toss it on her lap.
Her lips part, her expression shocked.
I don’t say anything.I don’t put away the groceries.I simply walk out the front door and leave.
ChapterThirteen
After spending three hours throwing hand-sized rocks into the lake, I returned home with a sore arm and apologized to Gen for going off on her.I told her I’d had a bad day, and though she inquired as to the cause, she didn’t insist I elaborate when I made it obvious through avoidance tactics that I didn’t want to discuss it.
Gen said her afternoon with Jaeger wasn’t a date, but why would Jaeger ask her out if he wasn’t interested?And he seemed so happy afterward.I’m not convinced there isn’t something there.Gen could be saying it wasn’t a date because they just started hanging out.I can’t tell her how I feel about Jaeger until I know nothing is between them.I pushed her to date him; I won’t put her in the uncomfortable position of having to choose between us.
Jaeger has come into the casino a couple of times this week to visit Mason since his non-date with Gen.Each time, he’s kept to Mason’s bar, which gives credence to Gen’s assertion that they’re not dating, though she is busy at work.And every time he’s around, my heart quickens and my body heats.No matter what I tell myself—that it won’t work out, I screwed things up and he’s not interested—my body’s visceral response doesn’t care.It’s infuriating.
I just got out of a relationship; I should be going all introspective and loner.At the very least, deciding whether to follow through with grad school.Instead, I’m conflicted about school and thinking clearly about the kind of guy I want in my life.
Eric was good-looking, but shallow and—I realize now—selfish.Why I think Mr.Bear Carver is any better is beyond me, but there’s something about him that’s deep and a little scarred.Like he’s been through stuff and come out on the right side.This, in addition to the fact that puddles of drool form in my mouth whenever I look at him, and I’m drawn—even though he may be dating my best friend.
Gen and Jaeger might not be dating—yet—but she could like him.I never told Gen how I felt about him.Nope, I pushed him right in her path.In my defense, that was before I realized my feelings for him were real and not because of how crappy things were with Eric.This last incident with Gen’s ex was just bad timing.Maybe that’s all Jaeger and I will ever have—bad timing.
This evening, Jaeger’s been in Gen’s lounge for the last hour with an attractive, slightly older woman with long, dark hair and a petite figure.At first, I thought she was one of his mom’s friends by the way they greeted each other—cordially, but with familiarity.She’s dressed in a black sheath dress with diamonds the size of pebbles in her ears.She’s younger than his parents, but her expensive attire fits his parents’ upper economic bracket.The more I observe, though, the less certain I am that they’re only friends.
A man in dress slacks and a polo shirt passes my table and walks up the stairs into the lounge to Jaeger and the woman.The pretty brunette places a proprietary hand on Jaeger’s arm and introduces the two men.
I glance at Gen, who laughs at something her customer says.She’s not paying attention to the Jaeger tableau, and I can’t understand it.I’d like to detach the roulette table and mow the lady he’s sitting with down like a bowling pin, and Gen’s all casual, easygoing.What the eff?
Jaeger shakes the man’s hand and offers him a card.
He carries business cards?For his bear carvings?
Jaeger is dressed in dark slacks and a white collared shirt, the top button undone and revealing the edge of a white undershirt.I’ve never seen him dressed up and the image disturbs me.His wide shoulders strain the fabric along his chest, highlighting muscles while still looking professional.He makes weathered jeans and T-shirts unbelievably hot, but dressed up, he’s likeGQphoto-spread man candy.
The woman he’s with seems too old for him, but I have to admit they look good together, and it’s eating me up inside.The only positive I can think of is that Gen and I get off early tonight and our shift is about to end.
A cluster of new dealers approaches the pit and I finish my round.Before heading to the basement, I walk over to Gen.“You almost off?”I don’t glance at Jaeger, seated in the corner.
Gen piles four shots of bright green liquid on her tray.“In a minute—just need to deliver these.You still up for the club?”
In spite of a herculean effort not to, my gaze strays toward Jaeger.The business associate has left and the woman has her fingers on his forearm, using his body for support while she leans in to tell him something.“Yes.I need—something.”
Gen’s eyes widen in approval.“I’msohappy you aren’t letting things with Eric get you down.”She charges off and passes out the last of her drinks, closing tabs.
Eric?Nope, not thinking about Eric—a testament to the tenuous connection we shared and proof it wasn’t meant to last.
Gen returns to the bar and wipes her tray.“You sure you don’t mind if Nessa joins us?”
