Crap, the weekend. I can’t sleep on Zach’s couch forever. On the other hand, the men who attacked me in the woods haven’t bothered me since that run-in with Denim Jacket my first day at Blue. Lewis wanted me at Cali’s because Tyler was around, whereas Zach works nights. But with the tension so thick around Tyler and the threat of those men reduced, I’m wondering if I should move in with Zach. I wouldn’t be opposed to the idea, but I think Zach might be. He enjoys his lady callers, and he’s been keeping a low profile with me in the house.
I need fresh clothes from the cabin. I’m not looking forward to an encounter with Tyler, but it’s probably time I get it over with. I’d rather it occur at home than at work.
When I unlock the door to Cali’s cabin, it’s pitch-dark inside. I flip on the lights, and Tyler is sitting on the couch, his head tilted back against the cushion, staring at me as I enter.
“Fuckballs.” I slam a hand to my chest. “Tyler, that is so creepy. Why are you in the dark?”
He glances around as if just realizing the sun has gone down. “Sorry. I was thinking. It got dark and I didn’t feel like getting up to turn on the lights.”
I set my ratty purse on the counter and slip off my shoes, carrying them into the bedroom, my hands shaking. I’m terrified of the warmth of emotions I feel around him, even after what he did. I change into jeans and a lightweight sweater. When I return to the living room, Tyler is still on the couch, facing me.
“Mira, we need to talk.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Tyler
Mira crosses into the kitchen and grabs a soda. She pops the top and sits at the table, opposite my laptop and stacks of books. I really should clean up that crap.
I shove my computer to the side and push papers out of the way, taking a seat across from her. She’s wiping condensation from the side of her soda can, avoiding me. I can’t say I blame her.
“Mira, I’m sorry.”
Her chest rises and falls, but she won’t look up.
I shift closer, annoyed at the table separating us. “I fucked up. I shouldn’t have left the way I did. Can you forgive me?”
“It’s fine, Tyler. No big deal.”
The fuck?
I stand, walk around the table, and squat in front of her, placing my hand on her knee. I sense her flinch, but she doesn’t push me away. “No. It’s not fine. We are a big deal to me.”
Her gaze darts to my face. She stares into my eyes as if to gauge my earnestness, then focuses on the table, tuning me out.
I sigh and knuckle my forehead. “Look, can we sit on the couch? I need to tell you something important. It’d be easier if we weren’t so far away.”
“Tyler, there is no way we are?—”
Memories of making love to her swarm my head. God, I want that, but I’m not trying to go there. “That’s not what this is about. You need to know what happened in Colorado. It’s why I freaked out and left the other day, which I’m so fucking sorry for.”
She studies my eyes again, almost as though they’re her sole read on my sincerity. Instead of looking away this time, she nods and rises. I follow her to the couch and we sit at opposite ends, but it’s better than the land block of the kitchen table.
I lean my elbows on my thighs, my hands overlapped in a fist between my legs. How do I tell her? I’ve never talked to anyone about what happened, or my responsibility in it.
I swallow back the rock in my throat. “I mentioned I had a fiancée.” Mira nods. “She was a good person. Someone I probably didn’t deserve.”
Mira squirms beside me, and moves as if to get up. “I don’t want to hear about how you lost some great love. God, Tyler?—”
“No.” My voice is firm. “That’s not it. I didn’t love her. That was the problem. She deserved more, and I didn’t love her. But she wanted me to.”
She looks at my face and slowly settles back into the cushion.
“I thought—I thought I couldn’t love anyone except my family. I hadn’t felt that way for a girl in a long time. I thought I never would again.”
I turn to her and look her in the eye. “I haven’t loved anyone since high school.”
Mira shakes her head, almost imperceptibly, but that’s not going to stop me from telling her the rest. She needs to understand. This needs to be said.
