I run a shaky hand through my long, dark hair, and pull a wavy handful over my shoulder, the ends brushing my upper waist. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch the guy next to me checking me out.
I have no interest in other guys. Only one person holds my attention, and he’s the one I walk toward.
I’m like Zach tonight, in hot pursuit.
Normally, I let men come to me. I may not be popular with the girls, but with boys it’s different.
Lewis and Zach treat me like a sister, but with other guys… Well, they want something. Not that I put out. Despite what some people say, I’ve only kissed a few guys, fooled around with a couple of them, but never given it up.
I’m not sure why I’ve held on to my V-card. No one expects it of me, and I don’t feel pure. It’s possible that living with Lewis and his family has rubbed off on me. That I’ve grown standards without realizing it. But I think I haven’t had sex when the opportunity arose for a different reason.
There’s only one person I want to be with.
My advisor paired me with Tyler as a math tutor over a year ago. I might have requested him when I found out he was looking for students to assist.
The kindness behind Tyler’s clear blue eyes when he scared away the group of mean girls in junior high left a lasting impression. I’ve never forgotten him.
I’m pretty sure he doesn’t remember that day. He’s never mentioned it, and I didn’t remind him during our numerous study sessions together.
I watch as Tyler checks the downstairs bathroom just off Holly Walker’s living room. He’s bulked up since junior high—become broader in the shoulder and filled out in the chest. He’s taller than most of the guys at our high school. Handsome too, but that’s not why I like him.
There’s something about Tyler that’s different from other guys. I’m aware of his every move, the way he smells like peppermint and bike oil from the mountain biking he does, mixed with his laundry detergent. He’s laid-back, but attentive, and I like hanging out with him as much as I do with my friends. More so.
When Tyler shows me equations while we study together, I want to smooth my finger over the calluses on his thumb where he holds his pencil too tightly.
Sometimes, when he’s not looking, I’ll stare at the dark stubble on his chin that shines reddish in the light, and wonder what it would feel like to rub my lips against that stubble and kiss his neck.
It’s distracting.
Tyler will leave town soon. I should wait it out and ignore my feelings.
But I won’t.
I’m going to do something I’ve never done before, and open up. Long enough to lose my virginity to the boy I like.
After trying the downstairs bathroom and finding it locked, Tyler shoves a large hand in his jeans pocket and makes his way to the second floor.
I glance around to make sure no one’s paying attention, and follow him up the stairs.
Tyler is a year older than me, but two grades higher, because he’s super smart and skipped freshman year. Holly’s party may be the last chance I have to make a move before he graduates in a few weeks.
The second floor is crowded as well. Tyler moves up another flight, and I stay back until he reaches the landing.
There are four levels to Holly’s house. Her parents are loaded, their home equipped with an indoor hot tub and an elevator. A gazillion bedrooms litter the upper levels. It can’t be too difficult to get Tyler alone.
He knocks on a third-floor bathroom and enters, closing the door behind him. Most of the party is on the lower floors. Few people wander the top two, so there’s privacy up here.
I walk quickly to the end of the hall and peek inside one of the darkened bedrooms. It’s empty, so I lean in and set my crossbody purse next to the door, closing it behind me.
My chest is pounding. I press my hand to it and breathe deeply, trying to get calm.
I’ve sensed something between me and Tyler. I don’t think he’ll reject what I have to offer, but it will be a challenge to make myself vulnerable around someone other than Lewis or Zach.
I tend to push people away. But Tyler teases me. He doesn’t take me too seriously, the way most guys do. Somehow that makes the idea of opening up easier. I wish I could have more with Tyler before he leaves, but I’ll settle for this.
Sex…with Tyler.
There goes my heart, racing again.
