I drag in a huge breath, then I swipe open a blank note on my phone and start making a list.
Call Coach
Talk to Sin
Research possible alternate venues
Beau?
And I add one more note at the bottom as a reminder to myself and a mantra of sorts.
I’m stronger than this. You can’t take me down.
Chapter 34
Controlled Chaos
Beau
Bluebeardisstaringatme with a depth of judgement only a cat is capable of. Maybe that’s why I like them so much. They’re fastidious groomers, cuddly on their own terms, but capable of putting you in your place with a single slow blink. No matter who you are.
He’s perched on the counter I’ve chased him off a hundred times before. But he doesn’t seem interested in learning my rules, so I ignore him, instead focusing on the coffee streaming from the pot into my cup.
This is what progress looks like, apparently. An intense need for caffeine, a judgmental cat, and a ten-minute internal debate over whether I’m ready to send a text message. I’ve never been one to shy away from speaking my mind. But I don’t think I’ve ever cared about anyone else as much as this group of weirdos I’ve surrounded myself with at college. Other than my sister, of course. But she’s one of the weirdos now, spending almost as much time fawning over Bluebeard at our house as she does looking after her own pets at her place.
My therapist would say something about being vulnerable and opening myself up to the possibility of emotional pain. I’m more inclined to think physical pain is a real possibility if I can even convince Luna’s best friend to meet me for coffee.
I finally force my fingers to type out the question.
Me: Can we talk? Just coffee. Please.
I’m not sure what else to say, so I go with a blunt approach. Typing bubbles show up almost immediately, appearing and disappearing several times. It makes my stomach churn.
Maisie: No
The flat denial doesn’t surprise me in the least. I know I need to try harder, but it’s difficult to find the right words in a single text.
Me: I need to make things right, and I could really use your help. I’ll do anything.
I can almost feel her internal debate in the long pause before she replies.
Maisie: Renounce your family inheritance? Streak at the end of our next hockey game? Submit an apology letter to be published in the next issue of the school paper?
A smile twitches my lips, and hope stirs. I have a feeling Maisie would give me a flat-out denial or leave me on read if it was a definite no.
Me: Anything.
Maisie: Huh. Fine. I’ll meet you for one coffee, but you’re buying, and I’m ordering the most expensive thing on the menu.
I smile despite myself. It’s the first time in days that something like lightness breaks through the fog.
Me: Deal. I’ll buy you a muffin. Full carbs.
Maisie: And a sandwich. One of the chicken and brie ones. PS first sign of any shenanigans and I’m out of there. With my food.
Me: Of course.
Maisie: All Capps? One hour?
