“No problem. I’ll be down in a few.”
My feet are heavy, and it takes some effort to force myself into action, gathering my backpack and heading for the door. I hesitate in the doorway, willing myself not to flick the light switch on and off five times, but I can’t do it. The compulsions I’ve learned to control most of the time have gotten worse with the anxiety. It’s as if everything this year is piling on, threatening to bury me.
“Want to grab a coffee before class?” I ask Lucy as my car purrs to a stop. We’ve spent most of the drive in silence, and I can’t take it anymore.
“Uh, I’ve already got plans. I’m sorry.” His eyes shift to the window.
“With Cece?”
“Yeah. You can join us if you’d like.”
My white knuckles are a stark contrast to the black leather steering wheel beneath them. “It’s okay. I don’t want to crash your date.”
“It’s not a date. We usually hang out before class when I don’t have practice. But you’re totally welcome.”
“Are you sure?” I need this. To reconnect with the two people who mean the most to me.
“No, it’d be great to hang out.”
“Okay. Where are you meeting her?”
“All Capps.” The coffee shop on campus is good. Neutral even though Jazz works there. Busy enough to blend in.
Good. This will be good. This is what I need.
“Beau?” Cece’s surprise is another dig at the distance between us.
“Hey, Sissy.”
We join her at the round table in the corner. It’s in a shadowed area underneath a tall plant. The perfect place for an intimate date, but the doubts creep in. I shouldn’t be here. I’m bothering them.
But her smile is genuine. Stretching up to crinkle the corners of her eyes. I know my sister well enough to know when she’s faking it, and this isn’t it. “Yeah. I wanted to hang with Dev, and he said you wouldn’t mind if I joined you. Is this okay?”
Dev has already pulled up an extra chair and dropped into the one across from her.
“I’m so happy to see you. Come on, sit down,” Cece says.
I jolt into motion, any lingering hesitation dissolving in the warmth of her welcome. How could I have ever doubted her? After everything we’ve been through together. Years of standing side by side, just the two of us against the world. I should’ve known better. That’s what made it sting so much, knowing she didn’t feel like she could come to me about Dev. Knowing she thought I wouldn’t understand. But maybe I gave her everyreason to believe that. I didn’t exactly hide how I felt about her dating a teammate, not after what that asshole did to her in high school.
“I should grab a coffee or something.” I crane my neck around, spotting Jazz at the counter.
It’s not too busy at the moment, so she wanders over. “Hey, guys. How’s it going?”
Her hair is pulled up in a smooth topknot, and she’s wearing subdued dark clothes under her brown apron, but her smile reaches all the way to her eyes. The same smile has been pasted on Cole’s face since they started dating. I like to think I helped make it happen since I was the one who told him he needed to find a girlfriend to keep his ex off his back. I can at least make someone happier.
“We’re good.”
She places her hands on the table, leaning down. “I can bring you some drinks if you like. You can give me cash or pay at the register after. Don’t tell anyone else, though. Table service is only for special customers.”
“You don’t have to do that, Jazz,” Cece says.
“For you guys. Anything. I don’t mind. It gets me out from behind the counter. This is my favorite. When I get to wander around and chat with the customers.”
“Okay then. If it’s not a bother.”
“Perfect.”
Placing our orders delays the inevitable conversation. Because I came here for a reason. I’ve been mulling over Luna’s suggestion. That I should talk to someone. But now that I’m here, I’m not sure quite what to say.
