“I was terrified,” I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. “Not of Evelyn knowing, not really. I was scared of what I felt for you. Of how much power you have over me.”
Jesse’s eyes snapped back to mine, surprise flickering across his features.
“When you told me you were falling for me,” I continued, forcing myself to meet his gaze, “it was everything I wanted to hear and everything I was afraid of at the same time.”
“So, your solution was to call me a manipulative slut?” His voice was sharp, but I could hear the anger beneath it. The pain.
I winced at the harsh reminder of my words. “No. That was me being a coward. Lashing out because I was scared of how much I...” I hesitated, the words sticking in my throat.
“How much you what?” Jesse pressed, taking a step into the kitchen.
My heart hammered against my ribs. I’d never been good with words, never known how to express what I felt. But I knew if I didn’t say it now, I might lose him forever.
“How much I…loveyou,” I said, the confession tearing from somewhere deep inside me. “I love you, Jesse. I think I always have, in some way.”
The silence that followed felt endless. Jesse stood perfectly still, his expression unreadable in the dim kitchen light. I waited, barely breathing, for him to say something…anything.
“If that’s true,” he finally said, his voice thick with emotion, “then why do you keep pushing me away?”
I ran a hand through my hair, searching for the right words. “Because I let myself love you once,” I said, deciding the truth was better than another half-concealed lie. “And you left.”
“I didn’tknow, Cole?—”
“I know,” I replied, holding up my hands in defeat. “It wasn’t your fault. But I… I blamed you for it anyway.” I looked up at him, meeting those hazel eyes once more. “That was wrong of me. Just like it was wrong of me to lash out at you. It’s inexcusable and I’m… I’m sorry.”
“You know you sound like a real dickhead right now, right?” Jesse said, taking another step closer. “And if youeverdo that to me again, I will leave. Period. I will not hesitate.”
“I know,” I said, my throat tight. “I deserve that.”
Jesse’s eyes were still hard, but there was something else there too. A flicker of hope, maybe, or at least a willingness to listen. He crossed the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water, his back to me.
“Do you even know why I came back, Cole?” he asked, still facing away.
I shifted uncomfortably. “For the ranch? For the inheritance?”
He turned, leaning against the counter. “I came back because I missed home. Because I let Jack down. Because I missed—” he faltered, then continued more quietly. “Because I missedyou.”
The confession hit me like a physical blow. All these months I’d assumed he’d returned for the money, for the property, to assuage his regrets. I’d never considered that he might have come back for me.
“But you were so successful in Seattle,” I said, confused. “Your marketing career?—”
“Was empty,” Jesse interrupted. “I had money. I had a boyfriend. I had a nice apartment and a white-collar life. But I didn’t have this.” He gestured around the kitchen. “I didn’t have Hell Creek. I didn’t have…you.”
I took a step toward him, afraid to hope. “Even after all these years?”
“Even after all these years,” he confirmed. “Why do you think I was so hurt when you rejected me? When you kept pushing me away? It wasn’t just about the sex, Cole.”
“I didn’t know,” I whispered, my chest aching with regret for all the time we’d wasted. “I thought you just wanted... I didn’t realize...”
“That I’ve been in love with you since I was fifteen?” Jesse laughed, but there was no humor in it. “Yeah, well. It’s not something I advertised.”
My heart hammered against my ribs. Jesse had loved me all this time? Through all the years apart, through all my coldness since his return?
“I’m an idiot,” I said, taking another cautious step toward him.
“Yes, you are,” he agreed, but his voice had softened. “A complete and utter fucking idiot.”
“Can you forgive me?” I asked, stopping just a foot away from him. Close enough to touch, but I kept my hands at my sides, waiting for permission. “I know I don’t deserve it, but I’m asking anyway.”
