What a blind, besotted, naïve fool I’d been.
Fuck those assholes.
Vega
The shower was runningin the back of the locker room.I could have used a long rinse beneath the spray before heading home.But I was already running on fumes, and while I couldn’t smell myself, it would go a long way to keep creeps from trying to mess with me on my walk home.
According to my schedule, this was my last shift for four days, but I’d already spoken to HR, handing in my resignation and using the vacation time I’d accumulated along with all of my PTO for the required two weeks’ notice.No one else knew this was my final shift, and that was the way I wanted to keep it.The fewer people who knew about my quitting, the better.
Grabbing my bag out of my locker, I shifted past the bottle of ibuprofen, tampons, wallet, hand lotion, and a million other necessities, looking for my phone.
As expected, it was dead.I couldn’t remember the last time I’d charged it.After I’d picked up a half shift the previous night, then taking a nap in one of the physician on-call rooms before my next scheduled shift, my phone hadn’t been my top priority.For the last three days, I’d done everything possible to keep my mind occupied and my body exhausted enough that sleep was easy to find.
But now, I didn’t have another excuse not to go home.
Home.Fucking hilarious.What did that word even mean?As a kid, growing up in the system, shipped from one foster home to another until I finally landed in a group home when I was fifteen, I’d had an idea of what I wanted home to look like.My own space, a bed that was mine, with a firm mattress, soft sheets, fluffy pillows, and a bathroom I didn’t have to share with anyone.Somewhere I could keep the food I liked, cook what I wanted, when I wanted it.If I wanted a pint of Phish Food at two in the morning or a frozen pizza for breakfast, then that’s what I’d freaking eat.
Home would be somewhere safe, away from unwanted hands and angry fists.
Ryder made sure I got that as soon as I aged out of the system.He gave me the dream I’d been carrying around since I was five.And then he and Kane planted the seed in my head that maybe home was something more.Home might just be the people who gave you that comforting feeling of being safe, not an actual place.
Assholes.
I should have put distance between us as soon as I admitted to myself that what I felt for them was more than it should have been.Ryder had been sixteen when I’d landed in the group home after running away from my last foster parents for the second time.We seemed to gravitate to each other, and despite my rule to never get close to anyone, I’d been helpless to fight against that pull.
He became my best friend.
First and only.
When he left the group home, my heart broke.He kept his promise to come back to see me, though.Even from the beginning, I could see the difference in him.Clothes didn’t define a person, but Ryder’s definitely made a statement.Gone were the secondhand jeans and bleach-splattered T-shirts that barely fit his long, lanky body.His busted old sneakers were nowhere in sight.Instead, he’d been in black slacks and a charcoal button-up with the sleeves rolled to his elbows, some insanely expensive label on both, and custom shoes.
Less than a month had passed since he’d hugged me goodbye as he walked out of the group home’s front door, but in that short time, he’d already started to fill out.Even his forearms had been more toned.His once-unkempt, shaggy blond hair had been trimmed and styled back from his face.My Ryder, the boy I’d hero-worshiped, was gone, replaced by a boy-man who did crazy things to my silly heart.
Each of his visits were the best and worst days of my life.Seeing him, getting to drop my guard and let go for the brief time he was in front of me, because I knew I was truly safe with him.Only to have to throw my walls up to contain the broken pieces of my heart from falling at my feet when he left again.
For my eighteenth birthday, he’d picked me up from school in his new SUV that looked like a freaking tank.That was the day he introduced me to Kane, and everything changed.One look at my best friend’s new BFF and I couldn’t quite catch my breath.
With his dark hair already sprinkled with gray at only twenty-three, he didn’t just look older than he was.Kane Brennan was an old soul.He walked with the gait of a man who knew he held power at his fingertips.It wasn’t until him that I understood how sexy confidence was.Not that it was only his confidence that drew my gaze and made it impossible to glance away.
His brown eyes were true amber, the kind that was sticky like honey, a sweet lure that could easily trap a person forever.His cheeks, jawline, and chin were prominently masculine.While Ryder introduced us, I memorized the shape of Kane’s nose, the thick tip with the slightly bumpy ridge, nostrils that were naturally flared.
I’d been fighting how I felt for Ryder for a long time.Loving him had never been in question.It washowI loved him that I had to hide.From him and myself.If he so much as suspected that I wasinlove with him, I feared he’d walk away and never look back.
But one look into Kane’s eyes and I fell.Hard.
And that made me feel instantly guilty, as if I’d betrayed Ryder in some way.Which was ridiculous because Ryder and I could only ever be friends.
Blinking back a sudden sting of tears, I gave myself two minutes to get all my emotions under control.One hundred and twenty seconds to wallow in the heartbreak, the broken pieces of my soul that my men were responsible for shattering.Knowing what I knew now colored over my memories, turning those joyful moments into something ugly and dirty.
Coat on, bag slung over my shoulder, I walked out of the locker room, my gaze on the door and not any of the night shift staff.Eye contact was the quickest way to get pulled into either workplace drama or be asked to stay over.As much as I could use the extra money—and wanted to keep my mind occupied—I was wearing yesterday’s underwear, and my socks were irritating the hell out of me.And there was also the issue that the moment I clocked out, my employment at this hospital was officially over.
It was time to move on, start over completely fresh.Everything was already set.I had a new job along with a new life ready and waiting for me.Away from the chaos of an insane emergency room and, more importantly, far, far away from the men who had broken me without remorse.
“Hey, Vay!”
Swallowing a groan, I looked up to find one of the security guards a few feet away.
“Carl,” I acknowledged with a tired nod.He was in his early thirties, not the most athletic, but he was moderately good-looking.In the eighteen months I’d worked there, he’d never once been inappropriate.He’d watched out for me and the other staff, made sure we got to the bus stop or the parking lot safely, and tried to step in when patients got combative.
