Hike up the Old Man of Storr (sounds like a euphemism, actually a mountain)
See whales and puffins (preferably alive and in their natural habitat, not stuffed in a gift shop)
Try surfing (with life insurance)
Try haggis (spiced organ meat stuffed in a stomach bag—also requires life insurance)
Sample local whisky at distillery (drams)
Have athletic sex with rugged Highland men. (Subcategories for thorough consideration):
Farmer (pros: strong hands, impressive forearms from hay-baling; cons: 4 a.m. wake-up calls for milking)
Fisherman (pros: excellent with rope work, cons: smells like haddock)
Mysterious lighthouse keeper (pros: romantic isolation and brooding potential, cons: possible serial killer)
Must own authentic kilt (tartan pattern negotiable, but no tourist shop polyester)
