“I’m hungry. I need food before we go down, have you eaten?”
My first instinct was to tell him no, and he didn’t have to take me, but he’d follow dad’s orders whether he wanted to. He was also not being an asshole so I should do the same. I followed him to the kitchen, a place I was more than acquainted with these days, but he indicated for me to sit while he went to the fridge and ducked his head inside.
I sat and tried not to watch him as he pulled out eggs and bacon and put them into a pan to fry. My stomach dipped when he grabbed a dish towel and tossed it over his shoulder. That should not be sexy, in the slightest. He added bread to the toaster and poured us each a coffee. I thanked him when he passed me mine, black, he remembered the way I liked it.
We were the only ones in the kitchen given it was close to eleven and a weekday so everyone would be at work. I dragged my eyes away from the domestic God display going on and thought about taking out my phone, then remembered I’d left it in my room. Declan had been calling and texting all night and morning.
The girl I’d spoken to on the phone the night before had been happy to let me know she’d just fucked my boyfriend. Not in a nasty way either, in an angry, sisterhood kind of way. He hadn’t told her he was with someone, and she was super sorry about what happened. Declan tried to get on the phone amidst all the yelling and apologies from her, but I’d asked her to tell him to go to hell and hung up.
But I couldn’t leave it like that and caved on his third call of the morning.
“Wave, I’m so sorry,” he said, his voice quiet, dejected. “I’m not gonna fill your head with bullshit and say I don’t know why I did it, or that it was a mistake and meant nothing. You don’t need to hear that shit from me. I can’t make excuses. What I did last night was fucking deplorableand I don’t deserve any forgiveness, but I am sorry, and I don’t want us to lose what we have.”
So he contradicted himself in the same breath. “I’m not sure we can, Declan. How can I trust you again? Not only that, but I’m also up here going through hell, and you do this to me?”
“I know,” he sniffed, and I could hear the remorse and sadness in his voice. “I was drinking and got caught up with it all but…shit that is no excuse. I do care about you, Wave. Can we just please talk when you get home? I know what I’ve done is shitty and on me, but I can’t just leave it like this. I need to see you.”
I blew out a heavy sigh. “We can talk, but it will be only to call things off. We can’t come back from this Declan. Can you imagine if I’d done this to you?” I asked. I wasn’t getting mad about it and that in itself said a lot about how I was feeling. I didn’t think of it as him doing me a favour because I was sad about it. I did care about him, and it hurt knowing he’d done this to me, to our relationship, but I wasn’t distraught, and I didn’t know how to feel about that.
“If you will just give me some time to talk to you, that is all I can ask for. I hate myself, Wave. I’m not this guy and…I’m fucking angry with myself for being such an idiot.”
I hadn’t had much more to say after that. We left off with a vague promise to meet up when I got back to North Carolina, but at this point, I wasn’t sure when that would be. He asked if he could still call or text, but I told him I wasn’t sure it was a good idea. Declan was full of regrets and apologies now and being pretty rational about it all, but I didn’t think that would last. He will not let this lie, and I would have to deal with it again before I got back, I could tell.
The whole thing was the cherry on the shit sundae my day had been. I was trying my best not to think about it. I had enough going on, I could deal with it if he contacted me again.
I raised my eyes to Hudson. He was plating up the food, humming to himself. It was weird seeing him like that. My mind flashed back tothatnight. I thought he was cheating on me, but the truth of the matter was, pain and jealousy blinded him and what he believed to be my betrayal first.Was that cheating?It was the wrong thing to do, but could it be classified as honest to god cheating?
“Hey,” he sat down opposite me. I looked down to see he’d pushed a plate in front of me. “It’ll go cold,” he picked up his fork.
I wasn’t all that hungry, but I dutifully ate. A couple of people came and went, grabbing a coffee or something out of the fridge, nodding at us but not stopping to converse. Seeing him with me was setting tongues wagging.
He waited for me to finish, washed our dishes and then we headed outside. I followed behind him, it was a lovely day and I’d dressed in a short white summer dress with capped sleeves and a V-neck. When he marched over to his bike, I stopped in my tracks.
“What?” he looked back at me. “We could make the ride in five minutes.”
“We can walk.”
He looked pointedly at the wedge heeled sandals. “It’d take about twenty to walk it.”
He had a point. But I also didn’t want to get on the back of his bike.
“Stop reading into it,” he swung a leg over the bike. “It’s five minutes.”
He waited, watching me with an amused look as I warred with myself. Finally, I rolled my eyes and walked over.
“You remember how to mount?” he asked.
I snarled when he laughed. It wasn’t easy with a short skirt on, but I maintained my modesty as I climbed behind him, sliding my butt forward on the rear seat, making sure the back of my skirt was tucked in tightly. Last thing I needed was it blowing up around my hips, flashing everyone my ass. He started the bike, and it roared beneath me. The smell of gasoline and metal filled my nose. It brought back so many memories I had to close my eyes against the onslaught.
“Hold on tight,” he said over his shoulder.
“You are enjoying this way too much,” I muttered, considering holding on to his shoulders. I knew from experience that wasn’t safe enough.
I hesitantly slid my arms under his and around his torso, lightly touching his body. He huffed impatiently and grabbed my hands, pulling them around him and clasping them together just over his belly button. The move pulled me flush against his back and I sucked in a breath. He pulsed the throttle, released the brake and set off.
The wind rushed against us as he swung around the clubhouse. My hair blew out behind me. Neither of us wore a helmet, but he wouldn’tgo fast, and he was right, it wasn’t that far. As we rounded the annexe building, I could see the houses in varying stages of completion in the distance.
Hudson took his time, riding carefully. I could feel the contractions of his stomach as he drove, guiding us down the road to what looked like a little cul-de-sac of houses, so completely out of place on the compound. There was still a lot of work to be done, six months’ worth Banshee said. There were only three homes fully up with walls, windows, and roofs complete, but still unfinished.
