“Avoiding drinking this shitty looking water?”
“Did you speak to her?” she ignored that comment.
I put an elbow on the table and ran a hand over my jaw. The scratch of stubble made a harsh noise in the otherwise quiet kitchen. “No.”
She tilted her head, contemplating me. “If you knew the truth about what happened that night, what would you have done? Stood outside her door, then turned tail and ran?”
“This isn’t me running,” I snapped. “I want to kill the motherfucker. I’m not allowed to,” I said, holding the mug up and almost taking a sip, then realising I was not the kind of guy who sat around having a heart to heart and drinkingtea. “There is no point dwelling on something that can’t be changed, Rosa.”
As much as I wanted to. Fuck, did I want to. I’d give anything to have known what was happening and stop it, to not come back to the clubhouse and do what I did.
“Why didn’t you tell anyone?” I asked her.
“She asked me not to.”
I gave her a menacing glare, but it had no effect.
“You need to see it from my point of view, Hudson. Yes, she was upset and scared and angry about what happened, but at the heart of it, she was still Waverley. She’s determined and strong and knew what she wanted. We all knew she was leaving for college. I did what I thought was best by giving her what she would need to set herself up. I didn’t let her runaway with nothing. I knew where she was and that she had enough money, and she was smart enough to look after herself.
“I tried to talk her out of leaving. Of course I did, but once that girl has made up her mind,” she shook her head. “You might not believe it, but she was the strongest I’d ever seen her that night. She could have run to King or Warren and had them deal with the situation. She could have confronted you about what you did. Do you believe you could have come back from that?
“Five years down the line, it’s fucking killing you knowing the truth,” she continued. “Imagine if she had told you that night. It would have broken you, Hudson. You damn well know it. You wouldn’t have been able to handle it, you’d have done something stupid, and Waverley would have been worse off. You’re riled up now. I know you want to killhim, but you’ve been talked down and are allowing this to work itself out in a way you never could have back then.
“It doesn’t make it any less hard to hear, or make your heart hurt any less knowing the truth, but it didn’t break you. And you’re here. You want to see her, to talk to her. Back then, she wouldn’t have listened to you. She wouldn’t have given you the chance.”
I hated everything she was saying, hated admitting she was right. Iwouldn’thave been able to handle it back then. Not after my part in what went down. I would have lost my mind even more than I am now, knowing I’d walked away from her, leaving her with him. The threats he made about getting me thrown in jail? I would have ended up there like my dad, becauseno onewould have stopped me from killing that bastard.
“People are going to give me shit for knowing this whole time, helping her get away from the club. But I’d do it again because that was what Waverley needed and that was all I gave a damn about. What that girl needed. I let her go. And I swore to her I wouldn’t tell a soul. And I was more than a little pissed off with you at the time for what you did.”
“I didn’t know-”
Rosa held up her hand. “She came down a little while ago and told me what happened tonight, what all had come out after she saw that asshole at the party. I know what you believed you saw.” She nailed me with a hard look. “I get it. You were hurting too.”
I nodded.
“And you’re male. Males are dumb as fuck.”
“Jesus, Rosa.”
“It’s true,” she gave me a half smile. “It’s why you pussied out of talking to her tonight.”
“It’s not that,” I scowled. “It’s…I’m not sure she wants to talk to me.”
“Why don’t you let her decide?”
“It’s late.”
“She’s probably still awake. What else you got?”
“No one gets to tell me what the fuck to do,” I snapped.
She shook her head at me. “Sometimes, time and distance don’t matter, Hudson. Feelings that strong don’t just go away.”
“Don’t start, Rosa. It’s been too long.”
“You telling me after everything you heard tonight, after the anger and the rush to beat his head in, you didn’t want to hold her, to try to do what you could to make her pain go away?”
“What the fuck do you think? Of course I did,” I hissed, concerned someone might overhear. “It doesn’t change what happened, what I did, and that she ran.” I squeezed my eyes shut in frustration and guilt. “You’re not a psychologist, Rosa. Don’t head shrink me.”
