“Why are you being like this? Are you jealous?” she asks incredulously. “You have no right to be.”
“Well forgive me for giving a shit, Cassie.”
Her mouth opens and closes a few times. It’s not often she’s stumped, but I did it this time. I hate cursing in front of women. It’s not polite and although most of the men and women here swear like it’s a pastime, I’ve always tried to keep it to a minimum.
“I’m not the kind of guy who messes around with women. And I get it, it didn’t mean anything to you but I don’t sleep with everyone who throws themselves at me.”
“I didn’t do that.”
“No one said you did,” I push away from the counter and take a step closer to her.
If she had the option, I’m sure she’d step back, but the car is stopping her.
“What we did,” I move even closer and lower my face so it’s level with hers. “Wasn’t a throwaway fuck to me. You made it clear it was to you, and I’ve kept my distance. I’ve respected what you made plain by running away and not speaking to me again.”
She’s blinking fast, her chest is rising and falling faster as her breath gets harsher. This woman is driving me fucking mad. I’ve kept this all locked up for so long and now I’m here, being forced to work with her and I’m not the kind of man who can let things fester. It was alright when we were not in close proximity but working with her… I’ve got no chance of pretending.
“I guess I’m the fool for not being able to move past it the way you did.”
“We never said it was anything.”
“How many times are you going to say that?”
Thoughts of her with Mace are tearing my insides up. I grip the top of the door beside her. Penning her in goes against every part of me. Scaring women isn’t in my make up but she isn’t scared. If the way her pulse is fluttering in her throat is anything to go by, the way she is watching me. It’s not fear in her eyes.
She’s confused, angry, and maybe there is something more there.
“Until you believe it.” Her voice is even quieter, less forceful and vehement than before.
Moving my head, I lower my lips to her ear. “Or you do.”
She stays deadly still when I pick up a lock of her hair and toy with it for a moment. Maybe remembering, like I am, how I pulled her hair when I was fucking her, how she’d moaned and begged me to be rougher with her. She’s affected by me, it’s written all over her face.
My dick is throbbing, something I haven’t felt for a long time swirls low in my stomach and the urge to thrust my hips towards her is so strong, I almost give in to it.
It would take one small movement, the merest shift for my lips to touch hers. I’ve dreamed about tasting her mouth again. And more. I’m a hairs breath away from doing it.
But she’s been with Mace. And that is something I can’t easily forget. I go to pull back but she grabs my cut to stop me. We’re not touching, anywhere other than her hand gripping the leather. The lust in her eyes is consuming me, feeding my own.
Common sense takes hold of me.
“Don’t do it unless you mean it,” I tell her, my voice harder than it needs to be. I’ve made my thoughts perfectly clear now. Another meaningless fuck isn’t what I want from her. “If it scares you, then go to someone who doesn’t care, Cassie. You’re not ready for me.”
The inference of that being Mace is all too clear. She lets go of the cut and pushes me back. “You might think that is what you want, Eli but you’ve got the wrong woman. I can’t be that way. I told you that night,” she adds in a whispered plea.
“You can be any way you want, Cassie,” I give in, a moment of weakness, and stroke the backs of my fingers over her cheek, her skin is soft and warm. Her eyes sweep shut for a moment. “You need to let yourself.”
“Why are you saying all of this,” Her eyes open, the wall reconstructing right before my eyes. “It was one night, you don’t care about me after one night, that makes no sense to me.”
I give her a sad smile. “It was more than that. What we did that night wasn’t just sex, Cassie. And if you can’t see that, it will never happen again. No matter how much we both want it to.”
“You’re being ridiculous,” she scoffs but there is a vulnerability to it, like she isn’t sure. Her pulse is beating even more rapidly now.
“Maybe I am,” I shrug, letting go of the car door and moving away, giving her space.
This could be the end of anything I hoped might happen. I’ve pretty much laid my shit at her feet. She may be right, one night isn’t life changing. We both felt something more. Expanding on that, letting it grow isn’t going to happen. At least I understand that now.
All my life I’ve craved a connection, wanted to have someone care enough, to know thatI’menough.Since I ran away, I’ve been alone, strangers never became friends, lovers were a scratch I itched. When I came here, that changed but there is still an emptiness inside of me. Something is missing.
