I’ve held that secret for so long, I’m not sure I’ll be able to tell it.
Cassie shifts a little closer, so our thighs are touching. She doesn’t say anything but her silent encouragement and the understanding in her eyes as she stares at me, helps me see if there is anyone I can tell, it’s her.
“Sanderson’s was the first place that made me stop running.” I can’t look at her, choosing to focus on the fireplace. “I spent three years moving from place to place, after I ran away from home when I was fourteen. At first, I was scared and had no idea where to go. I couldn’t go back.”
Her hand starts stroking up and down my thigh.
“I grew up in Talladega, Alabama,” I say, knowing if she was going to talk, she’d ask where I was from. “I made my way out of the state, sleeping where I could find a relatively safe place. I had some money, clothes and a knife.”
“Eli,” she whispers.
“I’m here, Cassie. I didn’t get hurt,” I meet her eyes, they’re full of sadness and concern for my younger self. “Things happened along the way, but I learned to fight, to take care of myself. I never stayed anywhere too long. I was scared the police would find me and take me back.
“I hitched rides, sometimes joined groups of other kids. My goal was to get to the beach,” I huff out a laugh. “Sounds crazy now, but I’d never seen the ocean, and it got stuck in my head that if I made it there, I’d be safe.
“I went through Georgia and the Carolinas over the next couple of years. As I got older, I managed to get jobs. Sometimes they were safe, sometimes they had dangers that came along with them.”
Picking up the beer I finish it off. There is no point in going any deeper or tell her about the times when I sat outside high schools and watched kids living normal lives. I was so jealous of those kids.
“Long story short, I made it toMyrtle Beach.”
“You saw the ocean?” Her voice is quiet and for some inexplicable reason, she has a gentle smile on her beautiful mouth.
“I did. And it was amazing seeing how vast it was. But nothing changed. All that time, I thought something was going to happen when I walked onto the sand, that somehow my life would be better. I was still the same. It’s a rich place though, a lot of people vacation there, and I was able to make some money working odd jobs. By then I was a lot bigger, not a scrawny kid anymore.
“I knew how to get what I wanted, and stayed there a while, made some friends, met a girl,” I side-eye her but it doesn’t appear she is concerned about that. Why would she be, hearing this story? “Eventually I got itchy feet and headed up the coast, trying to figure out what to do next because I’d reached the goal I set out for three years earlier.
“I came across the Carnival, at Virginia Beach. They needed workers, and I needed a job. It came with a place to stay. For the first time, I had my own place. If you can call a tiny caravan with a shitty kitchen and living area that doubled as a bedroom a home.”
“It meant something to you.”
“I learned to work with machines, how to fix rides, then cars. I liked it. It was something I was good at. Victor wanted me around to work. Liz made me want to stay. Moving around with them, I felt safe. And when I turned eighteen, no one could make me go back.”
“What were you running from?”
That is the inevitable question. One I wasn’t going to get away from when I started telling her this.
“I had a sister. Talya. My parents weren’t planning on having another kid. They barely paid me any attention,” I scoff. “I was ten when she was born. And I loved her. Talya was sweet and inquisitive, and she followed me everywhere, but I didn’t mind. I needed to keep her safe.”
The softness hearing about my baby sister disappears instantly. Cassie stiffens a little.
“My mother resented Talya because everyone paid her a lot of attention, she was beautiful and had this infectious giggle. When she got attention, my mother didn’t. Dad was a self-absorbed jerk who didn’t care about his kids. Talya was getting quieter after she’d been alone with our mother. Her natural joy started to fade.”
“Oh Eli,” Cassie runs a hand through my hair. “What happened to her?”
She knows I would never leave my sister. I reach out and take her other hand, and she gives it a gentle squeeze, letting me know she’s here for me.
If only this woman realized how much more there is to her. Behind that wall around her, beats the heart of a woman who has so much more to give.
“My mother killed her.”
Cassie gasps and tries to smother it. I don’t mind she shows how she feels. Hearing a woman killed her own child deserves that kind of response. She doesn’t need to hide her feelings about it from me.
“I found her too late. She drowned her in the bathtub. That bitch sat beside her singing a fucking lullaby, like Talya was sleeping. Dad came home, found me holding Talya and instead of doing anything to help, he tried to figure out how to cover it up.”
“Jesus,” she whispers.
“I ran away a few days later. I couldn’t stay in that house knowing the one true light that made me happy was no longer there. And the rest is history.”
