My heart warmed at the endearment, but I pressed on with my line of questioning. As much as I loved him, and as much as I believed he loved me, I didn't want to let that sway me from digging deeper with my concerns. It was the only way our marriage could have any chance of surviving and thriving.
"She insinuated that you had gifted her jewellery. When that failed to rile me up, she then told me she was on her way to see you. In Edinburgh. She seemed to know that you were there."
His brow furrowed, the confusion clear in his features. "Si. For a conference where I was a keynote speaker. Her father was there, and she tagged along. But,tesoro, I have never gifted Annabelle a thing, let alone jewellery. Whatever she said to you that, for sure, is untrue. But I must confess, Ididconverse with her on that trip."
I immediately flinched, but he held onto me tightly, refusing to let me go. "No. Not like that.Diomio, no. She approached me, but I again made it clear that I had no interest in her. I avoided her before I left early and went back to the hotel.Alone," he emphasised.
I closed my eyes because I believed him. I did. "The next day, I was volunteering with Archie. He confessed that he had a thing for me, and I was so pissed off at you and Annabelle that I asked him out, told him that we were in an open marriage."
I could feel the slight tremble in his tall frame and heard the way his breathing changed—shallow and quick.
"When you discovered us, I wasn't prepared for your reaction. You went from silently fuming to overly attentive. And then when you told me that you'd give up other women and wanted to have a traditional marriage, I was pissed."
He held me away, his dark eyes assessing me with a question.
"I thought you only wanted me so that no one could have me," I explained. "I didn't want you to want me exclusively because you were jealous and didn't want anyone else to touch what you deemed yours."
He blew his breath out, his thumbs running circles on the curve of my waist. "I was jealous," he confessed. "I was sick with it. But I need you to believe me: after you found out about Annabelle, I planned to end it with her and not step out on our marriage again. I was just too proud to tell you."
His mouth swooped down and touched my forehead, lingering there in silent apology and regret. I could feel the tension in his stance and the fear that his secrets, once exposed, would damage our marriage forever.
"I didn't want to think that you had power over me, that you were aware of it and could one day use it against me. But I was a damn fool, because you've always had power over me. I would give everything up just to see you smile. When it all became too much and when work was too stressful, you were my home. My peace. And I almost ruined it because of my stupid pride, and what I thought I needed to stay in control."
He let out a harsh laugh, bitterness creeping along the edges of his tone. His eyes were hooded in pain as he searched my face, his hand sweeping up to smooth back stray tendrils.
His throat bobbed, and his eyes were everywhere but on mine. "Were you…did you have feelings for him?"
His question caught me off guard. I wasn't prepared for Alessio wanting to know the intimate details of my short-lived affair. I figured that his possessive nature would've tried tosweep that part of our marriage under the rug. Even now, his tone was uncertain and shaken as he braced himself for my response.
My mouth was dry with nerves, but I was determined to extend the same honesty he had shown me. "That's a tough question. I have no desire to get physical with someone unless there is a deeper attraction. Not a surface level attraction based on looks. So, Archie would book us a hotel room, and we would talk."
"Talk? About what?"
I lifted a shoulder, his shirt sliding and exposing smooth, bare skin. "His life, mainly. I didn't want to talk about mine. Because to do so meant that I had to think about you, and I refused to discuss our private life with him."
Archie tried to push for details about my marriage, but I'd kept tight-lipped on it. It was a sacred part of my life that I didn't want to touch on with a man I planned on sleeping with. Who was not my husband.
"We did stuff as well," I awkwardly confessed. I tugged his shirt up, but it simply fell back down my shoulder.
"Stuff?" His voice had a dark edge to it. Low and scraped out of his throat. He had a sickly pallor to his skin, but his eyes still caught and held onto mine.
"Hmm."
"Tell me," he rasped. "I need to know."
So I did. Perhaps we needed it all out, every ugly detail exposed, so there was nothing left but the naked truth to stare at.
"We kissed. A lot. And…there was some heavy petting and…a little oral." His eyes closed, and I quickly moved on. "I wasn't ready to take the final step. Like I said, I needed to build emotional intimacy with someone first. So we'd talk, order food, and watch movies, and-and cuddle." My eyes dropped from his, bracing myself for his response.
He pinched the bridge of his nose, breathing deeply. "All things I should've been doing with you. Instead, I was busy being too afraid to get attached, too scared to become too close to you in case I fell in love." His laugh was forced as his eyes showcased the bitterness he felt.
"And the whole time…I was already there. I could've lost you to another man. While I was busy keeping my pride in check, you were falling in love with someone else."
"No!" I exclaimed, my hands arriving on his broad shoulders. "No, I wasn't even close to it. I felt terrible because—while he made me feel good—I only really saw him as a friend. But by that point, it had taken a lot of courage to get that far with Archie…I just didn't want to try to meet someone else and attempt again to build a connection with them."
"And you never will! I'll make you feel so wanted and loved that you'll be sick of me. Christ!" His hand cupped my cheek. "How can you love me? I've been nothing but a proper bastard to you."
I leaned into his touch. "Not always. In Sicily, I was so mad when you brought me there and dragged me away from Keating. But then I saw another side of you. A loving brother to Dante and Giada. A fun and gentle uncle to Valentina and Lucia. When we spent time together, I saw how kind you were to everyone, no matter their status; you treated them all the same. And then with me, you were so sweet and tender when we made love. You never pressured me, and you took care of me. Even when we came back, when my heart was shattered after that conversation I overheard, you were still the same Alessio I fell in love with. I knew I was one of the lucky ones, and that I shouldn't complain too much over something I thought—at that time—was as trivial as infidelity."
