"And then," I sighed, finally reaching the climax of my sad tale. “I went out with some friends to a local bar. I was having a good night until Lissa showed up and started running her mouth."
"Ah, yes, the erstwhile best friend," Dr. Anna recalled.
"Err, yes. Anyway, she took off abruptly and ended up straight on Brian's lap," I bluntly finished, crossing my arms defensively.It was too much to hope that Dr. Anna wouldn’t press me further.
She blinked at me several times before frowning in puzzlement. "Sorry, I must've missed something. Brian was there, too?
"Yes, but I didn't realize he was. No-not until Lissa ran over to him."
"Did you know that they knew each other?"
I shook my head. "I met Brian after Lissa and I fell out. I've barely seen Lissa since I fired her. I have no idea how Lissa knows him, how long or," I swallowed past the lump in my throat, "the nature of their...relationship."
"So, from what you witnessed, is it safe to assume they have a close...friendship?" Now, why did she have to hesitate over that word?
"He left with her. I didn't see what they were doing throughout the night; I purposely moved out of eye line. But I was by the exit when I saw them stumbling out of the bar together." Their arms had been wrapped around each other, and even though my friends tried to brush it off as harmless friendliness, I knew from Lissa's reputation and Brian's need for a "purely sexual relationship" that they would likely be off to bump uglies.
I was relieved that Dr. Anna wasn't trying to placate me with the same platitudes my friends did. She was quiet for a moment as she scribbled in her notebook, her mouth twisted in deep thought as she wrote.
I nibbled on my thumbnail as I continued to watch her. "Should I have told you? I should have told you, shouldn't I?"
"You should only disclose what you feel comfortable sharing, Maria." She tapped her pad with her pen. "In saying that, why doyouthink you omitted that information from me?"
"I don't know."
Dr. Anna's shrewd gaze never wavered from mine. I sighed. "Off the top of my head, maybe...maybe because including him in my therapy meant that he may have,possibly, meant a tad more to me than I thought he did."
"Are these feelings you know you feel, or are you telling me reasons you think I want to hear?"
I scratched at my nose. "A little from column A, a little from column B."
Dr. Anna stared me down unflinchingly and unamused.
I dropped my gaze and gave another tired sigh. "More the former," I reluctantly admitted.
"But I'm not heartbroken or anything. It shouldn't be a big deal. I mean, out of all the men that have let me down, his behavior was rather tame –"
"Don't diminish your feelings, Maria," she gently reminded me. "Regardless of what he did, you're allowed to feel hurt or angry or both," she added.
I nodded in understanding. "I processed my feelings for him. Yes, I was...all those things...but I got over it. I chalked it down to another harsh lesson, but I'm not sad it happened. Like I said, it was the push I needed to seek help."
"That's great you recognize that," she praised. "And I'm so proud of you for speaking your truth to him that night. You remained calm, stated your feelings concisely, and were open with him about your boundaries. When you feel you're ready to explore dating again, you –"
"He texted me," I blurted out.
Dr. Anna's mouth was left open. "I'm sorry?"
"Brian," I clarified. "He's been calling me every day for the past week, and then on Saturday night, he texted me." I repeated his text to her verbatim.
"Did you answer any of his calls or reply to his message?"
"No."
"What do you want to do with this information?
"I don't know."
"He hasn't given you any inkling as to why he's seeking contact?"
