My mouth dropped open slightly as the intent of her meaning became clear. My face felt like a thousand red ants were crawling over it.
"Mom!" Sarah sputtered.
"What?" Diane stared wide-eyed at her daughter. "He's still young and handsome. I've seen the way some of the young ladies look at him. I just want to make sure he's happy."
"He"was still sitting right here, hoping the floor would open and swallow me whole.
"His wife died; of course, he's not happy!" Sarah snipped.
Diane sucked in her breath at the same time my stomach bottomed out. The silence stretched out as Sarah looked down at her food, her face red with either embarrassment or anger. Diane glared at her daughter before shooting me an apologetic glance.
I didn't know what to say. Sarah's outburst was unexpected, yet not surprising, given our heavy chat a few weeks ago. However, all I wanted to do at that moment was pay the check and leave.
Sarah abruptly pushed her chair back and stood.
"I need the bathroom," she sniffed before storming off.
Diane sighed and covered her half-eaten food with her napkin. So much for a nice birthday dinner out.
"Honey, I'm sorry," she implored.
"It's okay, Diane."
"No, I shouldn't have said anything in front of Sarah. I mentioned to her a couple of weeks ago that you might be ready to start dating again, and she blew up at me."
"She did?" I shook my head. "She shouldn't have done that."
"She's entitled to her emotions regarding the loss of her dad and sister. But she can't control how others process the loss."
She reached out again to clasp my arm, and I instantly felt comforted. "I didn't mean to put you on the spot there, love. Ionly meant that you're still young; you still have your whole life ahead of you. When andifyou are ready to entertain...someone else," she delicately put, "then you have my full support."
I nodded slowly, my mind still in turmoil. Maria's beautiful face swam in my mind. "There was...someone," I started.
"Oh!" Diane sat back in surprise.
"Yeah." Maria's cold glare as she stared me down flashed its reminder, and my mood deflated further. "We only had a few dates, but it didn't work out. I'm not sure I'm there yet, you know?"
Diane gave me a sad, understanding smile. I spied Sarah making her way back to the table and my back straightened in warning. Sensing my cues, Diane squeezed my hand. "I know," she quietly told me.
"Well!" Sarah breathed as she sat down. "I'm ready for dessert; how about you?"
Sarah's abrupt change of subject and lack of acknowledgment in her behavior was startling, but I was relieved to let talk of my dating life, or lack thereof, go.
The topic was too heavy for me, hitting a little too close to home. Having Diane's blessing felt great, but I needed to work through my own grief my own way before I thought again of dating.
But the only person you want to date is Maria.
Once dinner was over and I settled the check, I helped Diane and Sarah put their coats on and escorted them to Diane's car. I was glad they both arrived separately from me. I needed to be alone for a while.
Instead of heading to my own vehicle, my feet took me in a direction I’d been itching to go since my ill-fated date.
Maria's salon stood out like a beacon amongst the row of storefronts. I stared at her signage, and a soft smile formed as Igazed like an idiot at the beautifully curved "M" in her name. It was neat, elegant, and bold, much like its owner.
When I glanced inside, I saw a soft light still on in the back. My heart quickened in pace. The store was closed for business, so the light meant only one thing. Maria was in there.
I stopped myself from reaching out and touching the window as if it would magically stroke her. That would be weird, especially if she walked out of her office and caught me.
I should leave. Walk away. Hop into my car. Drive home. Wallow in the still quiet of my home.
