"Maria," his sigh drifted over me, and my teeth clenched. "You knew that I wasn't happy here the first day we met. Content, yes." His thumb rubbed my bottom lip as I stared up at him. "I was near Hannah. Diane and Sarah were the only family I had, so I was comfortable staying here and being near them. If all thiswent down without meeting you, I would be thinking of ways to wind down my business and setting up something back home."
My hands tightened around his waist as a tight coil wrapped around my heart.
"But the trouble is, Ididmeet you." His smile was tenderly amused as he continued to touch my features, stroking my prickled skin, memorizing the sight of me until my eyes glazed over in hypnotic pleasure. "And now that I know what it means to love you, to be near you, to just sit and listen to you try and convince me thatThe Human Centipedeisn't that gory or that I would look good with a faux hawk." My lips twitched as I stroked his lower back. I reckon I could still convince him of the latter. "To be away from that for any length of time would hurt me."
His words speared my soul with hope and happiness. But a lingering dark cloud continued to hover over me, and I couldn't resist probing him further. "New York isn't that far away."
The light in his eyes dimmed, and a slide of disappointment came over his handsome features. His hands stopped stroking. "You would be okay for us to be apart most of the week? Only meeting on the weekend or when we have a free day?"
My eyes dropped from his, ashamed I'd even brought it up. "No," I whispered. "No, it would hurt not to be near you, too. I don't want you to go, but…" My mouth twisted, attempting to keep back the words that were engraved in my heart. I knew he could read the hesitant hope in my gaze, communicating to him what I dared not to reach for. Just in case.
"Maria," His tone was firm, yet that honeyed, rough timbre only served to excite me. "Listen to me, baby. You have to stop thinking that I won't choose you, that I'm not committed to us. I know it's still new between us, but I won't let you down. Not intentionally." He kissed my knuckles. "Communication, remember? I tell you when I'm going through heavy stuff, and you do the same."
I breathed deeply and nodded. Everything was going so well in my life right now that it was hard sometimes to take a step back and just…let it be. Enjoy the current ride, and stop waiting for the hatchet to come down.
"New York used to be home, but home is wherever you are." He pushed a curtain of hair behind my ear. "You've started something amazing here with your business, and it's just getting better. I want to be next to you, cheering you on, following you wherever your dreams take you."
"I love you,"
The way Brian's eyes widened should have been comical, but since I was on the verge of an emotional breakdown over his beautiful speech, I could only give a half-sob, half-choked laugh as he lifted me in his arms and swung me around.
"Say it again," he demanded.
This time, I gave him a saucy grin as I wrapped my arms around his neck. Leaning down I rubbed my nose against his. "I love you."
"Fuck yeah," he approved. He turned towards the bedroom, but I tightened my hands on his neck.
"Wait!" My hand stretched out toward my wine. With a playful eye-roll, he dutifully dipped me until I snatched up my chardonnay. "To the bedroom!" I ordered, giggling as he lifted me higher and tighter against him.
18 MONTHS LATER
I parked my car beside Maria's hatchback. I was relieved to finally be home after a long, stressful day at work. I hopped out, and as per my usual routine, I kicked my girlfriend's tires to ensure they hadn't gone down. The last time I borrowed her car, I'd had to pump her tires, change her oil, and fill her tank. Sheliked to live life a little too close to the edge for my liking. But I wouldn't have her any other way.
I grabbed my tools from my trunk and hefted them over my shoulder. Usually, they'd be safe in my car in my garage, but since I was spending all my nights at Maria's place—ourplace, for now—she didn't have a locked garage, just a designated carport for herself and one visitor. New Haven was safe with barely any felonies but I still wouldn't risk thousands of dollars being left exposed. It would be easy for someone to break in and leave me out of pocket.
I growled when I reached the elevator and spotted theOut of Ordersign. Fucking hell. I was glad when we'd be out of here.
I gave a satisfied smile as I started climbing the stairs. Maria was gonna be thrilled when I told her the news. I almost called her as soon as my real estate agent informed me, but I decided we should celebrate in style. Shit, I should've stopped at the grocers for some of that fancy wine she loved. It was a night for celebrations.
"Ria?" I closed the door behind me. Carrying all that shit up four flights of stairs really fucking humbled me. I was winded. Dropping my tools by the door, I toed my shoes off.
"In the bedroom," she called out, her sweet voice muffled.
Still smiling, I made my way towards her, desperate to get my hands on my beautiful girlfriend. A title I wanted to upgrade soon.
Amused, I watched Maria from the doorway. She was on the floor on her hands and knees, head buried in the closet. She hadn't worked today; instead, she'd spent the day with Linda and her baby, Margot. Linda's husband was away for work for a week and Linda had been overwhelmed. My big-hearted girl—who always put up a front that she wasn't soft and gentle—had surprised Linda by watching her daughter while Linda had a much-needed nap. I received updates throughout the day,mainly of her panicking about how to wipe a shitty bum. I had no doubt it would be a long time before Maria offered her services again.
Maria didn't want kids. When Linda had found out she was pregnant, Maria had pulled me aside for a serious talk.
"It was never something I wanted. Lissa kept saying I'd change my mind as I got older, but it's only made me even more sure." She'd looked me square in the face as she revealed all this to me, her little chin raised as if bracing herself for my reaction. "Do you want kids?"
I'd hesitated; my heart conflicted as I processed this information. Hannah had wanted children, and I was all on board for it. I could picture myself tossing a ball with my kid or waiting outside a studio as they finished up their dance class. It was what nearly every married couple wanted—at least the ones I knew. You fell in love, married, and had kids—not necessarily in that order, but having children was always part of the plan.
Maria's gaze fell, but she still reached out and patted my hand, squeezing it. "You need to decide if that's something you can live with. I'm one hundred percent sure in my choice, so you need to be, too."
My gut instinct was to immediately say, " Yes, I don't want kids. It doesn't matter." But we both knew it was a big life decision, something I needed to think about, to really consider what my life would be like without the plan I thought would happen.
That decision took less than an hour when I realized that any scenario was negotiable—apart from losing Maria. Yes, I could happily live a life with kids, but I couldn't live a happy life without Maria. I was certain of that. She was more than enough for me. We didn't need any embellishments to cement our love—just us.
