Something had changed between us. Sex became an act that I used to keep men interested. Sometimes the sex was good. Sometimes the sex was great. Sometimes the sex was okay. But, more often than not, I had to lie there and stifle a yawn or hidea wince when they hadn't put in the prep work and just went in dry.
But I had never felt like this before—during and after sex. This closeness. It felt almost…spiritual.
Was this what it felt like to be in love?
"There's a name for it, apparently. It's called Widow's Fire. Well, in my case, Widower's Fire."
Brian and I were sitting on my bed in our hotel robes, sharing a chocolate cake. Having sex, especially amazing sex, really made you work up an appetite. I was definitely going to do a few turns on the Stair Climber when I got home, but it was worth it just to be sitting cross-legged, a flimsy cotton towel the only item of clothing covering our nakedness. Although I did leave the tie loose, so whenever his heated gaze dipped to my chest, I knew my tits had popped out.
"You have this urge for sex…not in a nymphomaniac way, but for most people who've lost partners, it's a way to connect with someone. A way to unload all the emotional turmoil you're experiencing after your spouse dies, by a physical touch."
After we’d collapsed into a sweat-soaked heap—our second round at fucking—I'd made an offhand joke about how experienced he was at fucking. I knew he'd been with Hannah since college and also knew, given his sexual relationship with Sofia and the fact that he went home with Lissa, that he'd had post-loss sex.
After we'd showered—when round three had occurred—we sat up against the headboard and chatted. That's when he confessed he'd slept with a woman a few months after Hannah died. And then kept sleeping with women throughout the years, neverwanting to take it seriously or examine why he had a need to keep a sexual partner around.
"For me, it was about intimacy. I loved being married to Hannah." He flicked me an uneasy look, but I rubbed his arm, letting him know his words didn't hurt me. "I loved having an equal partner who loved me. When all that was taken from me, I felt…alone. I had Diane and Sarah, but I missed that intimacy and connection. Every time I had sexual encounters, a bit of that spark would come back before it inevitably faded. And then I felt lonely again, and the cycle continued."
I wiped my chocolatey hands on the napkin provided. I had no idea that Brian had been going through all of this. His reaction at Da Vinci's made sense. It didn't excuse what he did, of course, but I could understand his frame of mind at the time. His only saving grace was that he continued to seek me out—granted, I told him to kick rocks—but it gave me a sense of thrill that the spark he'd experienced with me lingered.
But would it last?
"I can understand that. I used men to compensate for the love that had been missing from my life. I couldn't find it at home, so I sought out men, thinking I could experience the kind of love I craved. Security. A partner."
Brian's hand reached across and rubbed my knee, which was peeking out between my robe. "You don't have to keep looking anymore, Maria, " his rough voice promised.
I glanced up at him. His eyes conveyed how serious he was as he continued to stroke me. "I'm all in with you."
I swallowed hard as I searched his face, seeking any morsel of deception in his gaze. When his soulful brown eyes remained sincere, my shoulders came down, and I covered his hand with mine.
"Me, too."
Chapter 40
Brian
Igroaned as I gathered Maria's soft, fragrant hair in my hands and tugged. Her answering moan had my dick twitching against her tongue. Fuck, her mouth felt like silk wrapped in satin. The enthusiastic bob of her head and the obsceneglug, glug, glugsound that came from her throat had me fighting back my cum.
Maria was perfect. A fucking firecracker in bed who was very vocal about her pleasure. She got me off harder and faster than any woman, and it was clear she knew what her body liked—and what made my toes curl and had me seeing stars. So the last thing I wanted was to embarrass myself by blowing my load after thirty seconds.
I glanced down and tugged her hair again to bring her attention to me. Her wide, blue eyes shimmered with tears as I continuously hit the back of her throat. Her fingers dug into my ass cheeks, and I let out another groan.
"Fuck, you're gonna make me blow my load."
She slid her pouty lips off my dick; her inhale of breath was sharp and quick. "That's the point," she panted. She then spat on my dick and swallowed me whole again.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck," I grunted. I moved my hips, shoving my cock in her, knowing she could take it—knowing she loved it when she choked on it.
Her sapphire eyes narrowed in a sultry glint. That's when I felt it. Her finger smoothed around the entrance to my ass. I stiffened before relaxing. Maria did not shy away from ass play. Neither did I, but I had never been on the receiving end. The first time she whispered in my ear that she wanted to give me a rim job, I just about squirted inside her after three seconds. The first time she rubbed my prostate, I saw literal stars behind my eyes. After that, I was all in. But it still made me startle every time she rubbed my taint, leading to my asshole.
"Do it," I begged.
Her mouth popped back off my dick. I stroked my cock, teasing her lips before she brought her fingers to her mouth and spat until a good amount of spit pooled on them. She then smoothed the wetness behind my balls before rubbing against the entrance to my ass. I rubbed my pre-cum all over her mouth, her little tongue snaking out to lick at it as we teased each other.
"C'mon, baby, finish me off." My voice was coarse.
I closed my eyes as she pushed her perfect mouth back down my dick just as her finger sunk into my back hole. I couldn't stop my hips or my grunts as I violently let her know how much she was pleasing me. Her finger pushed in deeper before curling. That was all it took before I threw my head back, gritting my teeth as I groaned through an orgasm so intense that my knees shook. It was only the thought of protecting Maria that I managed to stay upright as I turned the bathroom blue with my swearing.
I came to just in time to watch Maria swallow my spend. The low, throaty moan and the blissful expression on her face couldn't be faked. My girl really got off on giving me pleasure. Just like I was addicted to the taste and feel of her cunt. The feel of her nipples against my teeth. The sound of her moans and screams against my shoulder or pillow as she squirted her pleasure.
