“I haven’t heard from you in a while.” She slowly shuffled up the driveway, her movements unsure.
I rubbed the back of my neck. “Yeah. Sorry. It’s been a weird few weeks.” By weird, I meant terrific. But I wasn’t ready to share Maria yet with her.Sarahwasn’t ready for me to share Maria with her.
Another small smile covered a face wreathed in regret. “Is it okay that I’m here?”
Tenderness washed over me as she rubbed her elbow. “Of course.” I covered the distance between us before folding her small, tense frame in our usual hug. She sniffled as her arms wrapped around my waist, burying her face in my shoulder. I closed my eyes as I held her, and a wave of heavy emotion cloaked our embrace.
Fat drops started to fall faster on my nose and head. I quickly pulled back just as the skies began to open. “C’mon, let’s go inside.”
Her head nodded against my shoulder as I wrapped my arm around her and guided her into the house.
“Were you about to head out?”
“I was about to go for a run, but I’ll have to wait until the heavy rain clears.“ I squeezed her shoulder. “You came just in time to stop me.”
She didn’t smile at my joke. Instead, her eyes roamed around the house as her arm quickly dropped from my waist. I’d forgotten that I’d done a semi-redecoration of my home, clearing out a few decors that Hannah had chosen that weren’t to my taste. A fresh change was needed in my journey to starting over post-Hannah. It was obvious to anyone who’d previously been in my home that a woman’s touch sang out in the decor andcoloring. I didn’t want Maria to feel uncomfortable or feel that she was competing with my late wife. Far from it.
I tried to see my place from Sarah’s point of view. The changes I made weren’t huge. A few photos of Hannah and I had been taken down; the white ceramic doves she kept on the mantel were also missing. I’d replaced the clock she bought with one more suited to my tastes. The many throw pillows I had to constantly take off the couch were gone, and I downsized the coffee table. I’d made it myself and only finished the sanding and varnishing last week.
Sarah’s nose flared, and her lips flattened as she peered at me. Her eyes flashed a look of betrayal before it suddenly cleared. I allowed a sliver of guilt to immobilize me before I pushed those feelings aside. I was allowed to move on. I was allowed to make changes to my own space. For the first time in years, I felt hopeful. Happy.
“I thought I was going to help you sort out Hannah’s things.”
I folded my arms against her accusatory tone. If Sarah was going to cause another scene, I had no problem letting her know my boundaries. “It was best that I did it. I already gave you and Diane some of Hannah’s things, and I’ll pass on a few more when I see Diane next. The rest I donated or put in storage.”
Her chest compressed rapidly and she gestured widely around. “You’ve changed the whole vibe of the place.”
“Sarah, the vibe of the place was Hannah and I as a married couple.” I shook my head. “With her gone, it’s just things.”
Her eyes flashed as she turned to face me. “So, what, now you’re just going to move on?”
“I don’t want to start an argument, Sarah.”
Her brow pulled down, and her mouth tightened. I braced myself for another verbal attack. If she was going to start in on me again, I had no problem kicking her out.
To my surprise, her expression cleared. She took a deep breath before fixing me with an overly bright smile. “Okay. I’ll drop it,” she conceded. She crossed into my kitchen and grabbed my kettle. “Tea?”
I wanted something a little stronger if I had to deal with Sarah’s moods. The sooner she had her tea and left, the better. She wasn’t making me feel comfortable in my own home, especially when she shook her head in disapproval as she realized that I’d moved the tea jar.
Hannah and Sarah were big tea drinkers. I never took to it, preferring plain black coffee. I kept the tea jar full these days for Sarah and Diane when they came around. But I moved the jar to a top cupboard during my mini clean-out to give me more counter space.
With my hot tea in hand, we moved to the living room, and I took a seat in my armchair. I sipped the hot brew slowly, not knowing what to say. It had never been like this between us—this great divide of awkward silences and polite glances. I had an inkling that Sarah had a whole vitriol of shit she wanted to offload on me, but fear of disapproval from myself and her mom held her back. When she glanced at me, she leveled me with a caviling look; her mouth pursed as if forcing her mouth closed in case she let loose on me.
“Mom and I went out to dinner on Saturday. We missed you.”
I placed my tea on the floor since I moved the coffee table closer to her. “I’ll make the next one,” I promised. I didn’t mention that I wanted to speak with Diane first to clear the air.
“What about our weekly dinners?”
A pit of dread crumbled in my stomach. I planned on keeping Maria around for as long as she’d let me. I didn’t mind attending the odd dinner at Diane’s, but with my relationship with Maria growing, it would be weird for her to attend dinner at my in-law’s house every week. There was no way I wanted to go onmy own, leaving her behind. I only had to put myself in Maria’s shoes to realize that I would not be overly pleased if she attended weekly dinners with a past partner’s family. With or without me.
I wanted to make new memories with her. One day, Sarah and Diane would meet Maria, but there needed to be a clear line between my old life and new, especially with Sarah chiming in and making snide remarks about my personal life. I didn’t want anything else to hurt Maria.
“I’ve mentioned this to Diane, and I’m not sure if she told you, too. I’m starting to dip back into dating.”
She peered at me over the rim of her mug before taking a slow sip. “Yeah, I heard.”
“I’ve started seeing someone.”
