CLARA
CLARA
Normal.
I was trying to get back to normal.Whatever that meant anymore.
We'd been back in the city for two days, and I still felt like I was floating somewhere between Big Sur and reality.Between the woman who'd spent a week in paradise with her husband and daughter, and the woman who'd signed a contract for a business arrangement that was just for show.
The lines were so blurred I couldn't see them anymore.
Nothing was for show anymore.But I felt like I had to keep it that way.
So it was time to go back to our separate lives.Separate homes.I'd insisted on it the night we returned, even though Nash had looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language.
But I'd held firm.I needed space.I needed to think.I needed to figure out how to protect my heart even though it was already too late, because all I wanted was more Nash.We had another major gala event in a couple days, and I knew that outing would send me right back to where we’d been in Big Sur.So I needed every second until then to reorient and remember what it felt like to be a single mom on her own in New York.
My phone buzzed.
NASH:Missing my girls.Come for dinner tonight.
My stomach flipped.My girls.He kept saying things like that.Romantic.Easy.Like there’d never been a contract between us.
CLARA:Can't tonight.Have to work on the portfolio.Rain check?
NASH:You're avoiding me.
CLARA:I'm not.
NASH:Don’t lie to me.
I stared at my phone, then set it down without responding.I couldn't do this right now.I couldn’t tell him how I really felt, because it seemed wrong, somehow.Catching feelings seemed like a breach of contract.
My phone rang.Nash's name flashed on the screen.
I let it go to voicemail.
Thirty seconds later, it rang again.
"Hi," I said, answering with a sigh.
"Why are you avoiding me?"His voice was gentle but firm.
"I'm not avoiding you.I'm just...adjusting."
"To what?"
"To normal life."
"What are you talking about?This is normal life," Nash said."We're married, Clara.Husbands and wives see each other.They even live together.You want to stay in a cramped apartment when you could be at the penthouse with actual space?”
"I like my apartment.”I wondered if he could hear how hollow my voice was.
"I'm not saying you shouldn't like it.I'm saying you have options now."
I closed my eyes."Nash, we started this with boundaries.We’ve been crossing them like crazy with the wedding and the honeymoon and…I need to get back to them.For Mia's sake."And for my own.
Nash was quiet for a few beats.“Then say that next time.”
