"Clara, I'm so sorry."
I steeled myself, not daring to break his gaze.
"I fucked up.Majorly.I was scared and hurt, and I pushed you away because that's what I do.But you—" His voice cracked."You never gave up on me.You fought for me even after I walked away from you."
My throat tightened and I tried not to betray the emotion in my voice."That community deserves help.I believe in your project."I cleared my throat, daring myself to finish the thought.“It wasn’t about you.”
"Whatever the reason, it shows that you're a better person than I am.”
The words hung between us.I wasn’t sure I agreed with him.
"I love you, Clara."His eyes glistened."I fell in love with you the night we met four years ago.But I couldn’t handle the lie.And then when I found you again in April, I knew it had to be you, because you were the only one I’ve ever felt like that with."
"And now?"My voice was barely a whisper."What's changed?What happens the next time things get hard?Because they will, Nash.Shit will get hard again.Life doesn't just smooth out because you apologize."
"I know."
"So what's stopping you from running again?From icing me out the second I make a decision you don't like?"
"Nothing."The honesty of it gutted me."Nothing except me making a different choice.Me choosing to stay.Me choosing to trust that…we can do this.Together."
They were pretty words.But I was suddenly so exhausted by this, I could hardly keep standing.I wanted to collapse into a pile and cry for an hour straight.And Mia was due to wake up any second.I didn’t want her to see Nash—her Naff.It would turn into a frenzy.
"You need to go.Mia’s about to wake up, and I'm not going to let her get hurt again," I said, my voice hardening."She asks about you every single day.She draws pictures of us constantly.She loves you, Nash.And honestly, I don’t even want to look at you if there’s even a fraction of a chance that anything like this would happen again."
"There’s no chance.”He took another step closer."I’ll never walk away from what we built together.Not this time.Not ever."
I wanted to believe him.God, I wanted to so badly.
But I was terrified.
"You need to go," I whispered."I need to think about this."
The hope in his eyes dimmed slightly, but he nodded."Take all the time you need.I'm not going anywhere."
He looked at me with so much longing in his face, I wasn’t sure if he was going to try touching me, a hug or kiss.But he ripped himself away, and then it was just me in the doorway.
Tears streaming down my face, my heart breaking and healing all at once.
Nash wasted no time in resuming life as it had been before.
The morning check-in texts began to arrive.Little notes to say he missed me.A quick picture of the plants I’d left behind in the custom greenhouse to show me the growth on a leaf.
I didn’t answer at first.I just let the messages sink in.But one thing was clear.
He was here.He was waiting.And he’d never left.
He’d just checked out.
NASH: I know I don’t deserve another chance.But I pray every day that you’ll give me one.
NASH: Also I started therapy.
NASH: Archer said it was about fucking time.
Tears came to my eyes at the same time a laugh popped out.Holy shit.
NASH: Honestly that asshole needs therapy too.He’s still hung up on his ex from high school.
