"When's the last time you went home?"
"What's your point, Arch?"
"My point is you're destroying yourself over this woman, and instead of doing something about it, you're sleeping on a couch in your office and pretending this is normal."He walked in, closing the door behind him."You need to wake up and smell the coffee, Nash.You fucked up.You pushed away the best thing that ever happened to you.”
I blinked, trying to push his words away.“So did you bring coffee…?Because I’m not smelling it.”
He sighed, shaking his head.“I’ll rephrase.You're wallowing in shit when you should befixingshit."
"There's nothing to fix.It's over."
"Because you decided it was over.Because you got scared and ran away."
"Archer—"
"You're literally sleeping in your office to avoid going home!"Archer's voice rose."Nash, I've watched you ice people out your whole life.But this?This is too far."
"She made her choice."
Archer leaned on my desk."You know what your problem is?You're so terrified of being abandoned that you abandon people first.You push them away before they can leave you.But Clara wasn't leaving, Nash.She did what she had to do for her kid.She never wanted to walk away from you.And she wasn’t going to."
The words hit like physical blows.
"I know that," I whispered.
"Then why are you here instead of with her?"
Because I was terrified.Because I'd said unforgivable things.Because I'd looked her in the eye and told her there was no us and watched her break.I didn't deserve her forgiveness.
"I don't know how to fix it," I admitted.
"Then figure it out.Because this?"He gestured at my office, at the couch I'd been sleeping on, at the mess I'd become."This isn't living.You're better than this.The CEO of Nightly Developments does not sleep on his fucking couch anymore, do you hear me?"
I grunted, which got Archer to leave.Once he was gone, I took a little more time on the couch, staring at nothing.
He was right.I was spiraling.Avoiding.Running.
But it was the only thing that made sense to me.Somewhere deep inside, it seemed like that would protect me.From what, I wasn’t sure.Because Archer was fucking right, no matter how much it pained me to admit it.
Whatever I’d been doing the last few weeks wasn’t living.It was existing.And even I was sick of it.
After changing into a fresh suit, I forced myself to leave the office that afternoon.I headed to Queens, straight to the neighborhood I'd promised to protect and then abandoned when things got hard.Just like I’d abandoned Clara.Archer had been filling in during my absence, telling people I was sick.But nobody knew I was heartsick.
The community center was quiet when I walked in.A few people were there, looking at something on a phone.
"Mr.Nightingale!"An elderly woman—Mrs.O’Brien, I remembered—hurried over."We weren't expecting you today."
"I'm sorry I haven't been around," I said, and the words felt inadequate."Things have been...rough."
"We understand.Your wife told us you've been sick."
I froze."She did?"
"Yes, she's been coming to all the meetings while you’ve been ill."Mrs.O’Brien smiled warmly."Such a lovely woman.She always asks about everyone, takes notes, and really listens to what we say.Even when Jerry goes on his rampages about the city councilmen."
Clara had been coming to the meetings.Even after I'd pushed her away.Even after I'd told her it was over.My head was spinning, and not just because I’d had another shitty night of sleep.
“She’s incredible, isn’t she?”My throat was tight as I spoke.God, I was a fucking idiot.
