“No!I'm not letting you do this.You have to stop sabotaging every relationship!”
“I'm not!”I shriek, losing control of my emotions because I'm an absolute wreck.
“You are, baby.I think the accident made you realize just how much you love them.You didn’t care about yourself, you focused on Tali and nothing else.I think you knew you were in trouble, but you ignored it because getting Tali help was all that mattered.”
“I couldn’t let her get hurt.”I choke on a sob, the movement causing pain to spread through my abdomen, but I welcome the pain.It’s the only thing I feel anymore.Pain and misery.
“Because you love her!You love Schmidt.”
“What do you care if I ruin it all?At least then Schmidt doesn’t get me either, right?”
“I care because I love you, Win.I think you started to feel like a real family and then when Schmidt reminded you Tali wasn’t yours… You shut down and pushed him away.I get it.It’s easier to walk away and break your own heart than give someone else the power to do it at any point.You get to stay in charge and then it’s you deciding to cause yourself pain.But it’s stupid!You love him.”
“I do love him, but I'm not sure he loves me.”
“Then answer his call!Jeez, call him!He’s not working right now anyway.”
“What?Why?”I sit up a little straighter and stare at him.
“Because he doesn’t have a nanny.Who’s supposed to watch Tali?He doesn’t want to hire someone else.”
“I couldn’t watch her even if I wanted to.I can't lift anything until I heal.”
“C’mon, Win.We both know you’re using this as an excuse to pull away from them.You’re going to blame it on your injury, but in reality, you’re testing to see what it would be like to live without them.You’re seeing if you can do it and how much it’s going to hurt.”
“No, I'm not.”
“You could be recovering at Schmidt’s house.You could be cuddling with Tali even if you can't carry her around.You’re testing to see if your heart can live without them.”
“I am not!”
“You are, babe.I swear once I stopped chasing you, I was finally able to see you clearly.I see through all the lies you tell yourself.You’re the only thing that’s ever stopped you from being happy.When are you going to realize you’re not just breaking your heart, you’re breaking three hearts this time.”
He walks away without another word and I'm left to process what he just said.He’s not wrong.I could go back to Jamie’s.I know he’d help me and take care of me.
Instead, I'm lying in Wheeler’s guest room and crying night and day.I'm barely showering or getting changed out of the sweatshirt and sweatpants I’ve been wearing since I left the hospital.I keep trying to convince myself it’s because I don’t want my incision to get wet and these clothes don’t rub on my wound, but it’s all a lie.
I'm not doing anything because my heart is absolutely broken and I don’t know how to make it better.
I can't bring myself to respond to Jamie’s dozens of calls and texts.I'm not ready to face him.Not when I know he’s mad at me.
He’s right, I never should’ve taken Tali out.I knew he wouldn’t want that, but I was so excited and I wanted to get him a present.I really wanted to be able to give it to him when he got home from the game that night and I had to take Tali with me to get it.
Now, that gift is sitting in the back of my totaled SUV.I don’t know when or if I’ll get it back.But I'm not sure it matters.It might’ve all been for nothing at this point.
Chapter 29
Schmidt
Walkingaroundthelivingroom for the hundredth time today, I let out a sigh and stare up at the ceiling.I don’t know what I'm doing wrong.She’s always been easy for me.She’s always happy when she’s in my arms… But now she’s not.Not since the accident.Since Winnie left us.
“Win-Win,” Tali whimpers.She’s been doing this all day and I don’t know what to do.I’ve tried calling Winnie a dozen times today alone.She won't answer.
Wheeler’s right, I need to give her a chance to recover.She needs time to get better.But I'm not letting her go.
As soon as I get Tali to bed, I want to watch the videos Owen gave me.I spent most of the afternoon reading through the reports and I’ve been on the phone with Leo’s step dad, trying to figure out what we can pin against this lowlife paparazzi.I'm going to make Oliver Sinn pay if it’s the last thing I do.
“I know you miss Winnie, I do too,” I whisper, feeling my throat clog with emotions.
