“Is this because of Schmidt?”I can tell it’s taking everything in him to keep his tone even and not growl or hiss Jamie’s name.
“Yes and no.This was going to happen eventually, but I think Jamie caused it to happen faster, if that makes sense.”
“What does he have that I don’t?”
“It’s not a comparison between the two of you.It isn't that one of you won and the other lost… I don’t even know what’s going on between him and me.”
“Have you-”
“No.”I cut him off, knowing what he’s asking.“I just… I can't really explain it.I just feel at home when I'm around him.I don’t feel this overwhelming need to be someone I'm not.”
“Is that why you barely have any makeup on and your hair is curly?”Wheeler twirls a strand around his finger and watches me carefully.
“I don’t need it with him,” I whisper.
“You didn’t need it with me either, babe.You’re gorgeous.I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.Jeez, I wish I could’ve made you feel like you didn’t have to hide.I would’ve done anything to feel like home to you.”
“I'm sorry.I never meant to hurt you.”The first tear trickles down my cheek and I stare up at the sky, trying to blink away the emotions.
I can feel Jamie’s gaze on me.He’s probably seconds away from stomping over here and pulling me into his arms.
“Don’t cry, Win.You have nothing to be sorry about.It hurts like crazy to lose you.I always thought we’d spend the rest of our lives together.I thought we’d eventually have a family and have the perfect life.Even if I can't have you as my girlfriend, I want to keep you in my life.I don’t want us to become strangers.”
“Me neither… But you can't keep attacking Jamie.You can't keep scaring Tali.If you do, I’ll walk away from you forever.”
“I’ll stop.I promise.”He rubs his hand over my knee, trying to soothe me.“Can I just hug you?I don’t like seeing you cry and not being able to console you.”
I nod my head, unable to speak or I’ll probably cry harder.Wheeler stands to his full height and guides me into his waiting arms.He holds me like I'm fragile and buries his face in the crook of my neck.
I savor this hug, knowing this might be the last time I get one from him.Even though Jamie feels like home to me, Wheeler feels like my past.He was everything I once wanted.
“I love you, Win.I’ll never stop loving you.”
“I love you too,” I whisper, knowing he’s not talking about loving me romantically.Our relationship was so much deeper than that.
Chapter 19
Schmidt
Ikeepmyeyeson Winnie and Wheeler the entire time they’re talking.I pretend I'm listening to the conversations going on around me, but my attention is on my girl and nothing else.
If he raises his voice or touches her, I’ll be at her side in a second.I won't let him do anything to hurt her.
I know Wheeler’s a good guy.He’s normally happy and carefree.I think knowing Winnie is slipping through his fingers is driving him crazy and he doesn’t know how to handle it.
Hopefully they can figure things out and everything can get back to normal.I don’t want there to be tension between us at work and on the field, but if there is, that’s his issue, not mine.
When Wheeler stands and tugs Winnie into his arms, jealousy sweeps through me.I don’t like seeing her in his arms.I know they have a complicated history and she’s been his for a lot longer than she’s been mine, but I don’t like it.
Is she even mine?We’re not dating and we haven’t had a conversation about what’s happening between us.Can I really even claim her?
After five minutes of her in his arms, I’ve had enough.I push back from the table and Cord takes Tali from my arms without even asking.I'm sure he knows exactly where my head is right now.
“Thanks, man.”
“Don’t start a war, Schmidt.Take it easy on him.His world is crumbling down around him and he doesn’t know how to handle it.”
I nod my head without another word and take slow steps over to Winnie.When I'm standing a few feet away, I clear my throat and her eyes instantly latch onto mine.
