SEVENTEEN
CORA
What has gotten into me?
Why did I do that?
Why did I allow him to do that to me?
Shit, I shouldn’t have.
I start pacing back and forth. My shirt is still open, and my underwear is soaked.
He did promise he wasn’t going to fuck me tonight. I guess he’s true to his word. So why do I feel like I’ve been fucked in more ways than one?
Glancing down at my breast, I see the hickey he left there and immediately go to the bathroom to find the toothpaste. One of my mother’s boyfriends used to give her hickeys, and she would tell me the best way to get rid of them was by applying toothpaste to the affected area. I’m not sure how true it is, as this is my first time having one, but I hope it works. Otherwise, I’ll have to wear shirts that show less cleavage until it’s gone.
As I stare at myself in the mirror, looking like I’ve been fucked good and hard, I even feel like I have. Why does that man make me feel like a teenager? I just got off by dry-humping him, and he never touched me once. But he did kiss me and bite my nipple, which I actually loved.
My phone rings, and I ignore it as I strip off my damp pants and panties because they now need to be washed. Hell, maybe I need to be washed. And maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow thinking this was all a dream. Even though I know it wasn’t.
What does this mean for us?
What do I do now?
Do I keep seeing him?
I think I already know the answer to those thoughts as I step into the shower. I like what he’s offering, even though I ended things with Luke because I didn’t want to keep doing that.
And yet, here I am, thinking of doing the exact same thing with someone else, though I have a feeling fucking Arlo would be life-altering.
I used to think no man would love me. Maybe it’s me, and I’m the reason I keep falling into these sex-only arrangements. I must give off some type of vibe that screams, will not be a wife, but I’m down to fuck.
Then I realize how ridiculous that sounds.
I’m not that stupid.
I’m worth more than that.
It’s just that I’ve been so closed off from the real thing, which is why I keep falling into the same pattern. I get that part, but now I’m in my thirties, and I think it’s time I stop.
Maybe one last time…
That’s a bad thought to have with a man like Arlo Graves.
By the time Saturday night rolls around, I’ve dodged every one of Arlo’s calls. I tell myself it’s for the best, but it doesn’t stop the flutter in my pulse every time the phone lights up.
Sebastian’s fingers thread through mine as we step into the venue, all polished floors and sharp edges. Even though I’m not as close to Sebastian as I am to Delaney, he’s still a solid, reliable friend, the kind who doesn’t ask too many questions. He’s easy to be around and a joy to have on my arm at these kinds of stodgy gala events.
I’m feeling confident and polished tonight, despite the tension lingering in my shoulders. My dress is strapless, sleek, and hugs my waist as if it were made for me. And even though no one will see it, I added a touch of concealer to cover the dark hickey blooming on my breast like some kind of kinky Rorschach image.
My gaze flits around, taking in the servers weaving through the crowd with practiced ease, balancing silver trays, and the room buzzes with laughter, perfume, and polite conversation. Everyone here is dressed to be noticed. This event is brighter than most, with fewer moody chandeliers and more glaring overheads that leave little to the imagination, casting light even in the shadiest corners.
The floor beneath my heels is dark-stained wood, the tables lined with flawless white linen, everything a little too perfect. I smile, I nod at acquaintances, I float. And somewhere under it all, I try to ignore the pulse in my throat that still jumps when I think of him.
“I can’t thank you enough for coming with me tonight,” Sebastian says, and I squeeze his hand as we move around the event space. He’s receiving an award tonight for all of his volunteer work in the community.
If Sebastian were straight, I so would have married him by now. Tonight, he owns the room. He’s dressed in a bright blue suit paired with a tie in a lighter shade of blue, which looks amazing against his dark skin, and his head has been freshly shaved and smoothed, which, I might add, looks good on him. Not only is he a good person, but he’s also a beautiful man on the outside.
