‘Seriously?’
He nodded.‘Or it could be deliberate.’
‘You mean someone might havemadeit disappear?Like … a corrupt cop, you mean?Or have I been listening to too many true-crime podcasts?’
He laughed and his face lightened, giving her a glimpse of the boy she remembered from school.‘I don’t know, it’s definitely …’ He paused, searching for the right word.‘Curious.’
She sighed.She’d been so sure the file would hold some answers.
‘I was worried this might happen,’ Jimmy said.‘Sometimes the truth is buried so deep it barely exists anymore.’
*
How to request an autopsy report, Nel typed as she sat cross-legged on her bed.If coronial documents were subject to the Freedom of Information Act, she might be able to submit a request directly.She had no idea how it worked, but she figured there was no harm in trying.
The top search result took her to a NSW Health page, which listed frequently asked questions about non-coronial post-mortems.Not what she was looking for.She went back to the search results and clicked a link to a Coroners Court page.The title read,Accessing Coronial Documents.This looked more promising.
But as she scanned the page, hope faded with each new piece of information.She wasn’t next of kin, or conducting research approved by an ethics committee, or a member of the police force.
She stopped at a subheading that read,How long will it take to receive the documents?and skimmed the text.Even if she could convince the court to rule that she had ‘an appropriate interest’ in the case—whatever that meant—it would take up to twelve months to receive archived records.Twelve months!It felt like a dead end.
She slumped back on the pillows and stared at the looping ribbon on the ceiling.What was she doing?She wasn’t a detective.She was a doctor.And an idiot, it seemed, to think she could find out the truth.Maybe the truth didn’t even exist anymore, like Jimmy said.Maybe it had been erased from existence, like the autopsy report, leaving just gaps in the story.He’d warned her about this.He’d said it would probably lead nowhere.She didn’t believe him at the time, but maybe he was right.
She closed her eyes and thought of Maddie.‘What happened to you?’she whispered to the face in her mind.She waited for an answer, a sign of some sort, but there was nothing.She snorted out loud.What was she expecting?
The image of Maddie was replaced by Ryan’s smirking face, her skin prickling as his menacing words played back in her mind.Hewasdangerous—she was more convinced of that than ever—but what could she do about it?So far, all she’d done was put Sophie and her kids in more danger.Not to mention Poppy.She’d never forgive herself if anything happened to her.
No.There was no point to any of this.She hated to admit it, but Lauren was right.It would only cause pain.And for what?It was time to drop it.She’d keep her head down—focus on working at the clinic and spending time with the family—until she could pack up and head back out of town.
Chapter 36
‘Morning, Nel.Flat white to go?’Dave asked as she approached the takeaway counter at The Larder.
‘Thanks, Dave.’
She breathed in deeply, smelling bacon, and looked out at the street.There’d been a frost overnight.Soft light reflected off the wet road giving the streets a golden glow.A dirt-covered 4WD rolled past as Sue from the mini-mart put out a blackboard advertising half-price leg ham.An old lady ambled along the footpath pushing a tartan shopping trolley, her breath making a cloud of fog in the frigid morning air.
It had been over a week since Nel had decided to leave the past in the past, and for the first time since she returned to Carrinya she felt at ease.She’d met Jimmy for a drink at Drifters on Saturday afternoon and told him about her decision to give up on finding the truth about Maddie.
‘Whatever feels right,’ he said as they sat in the winter sunshine, watching fishing boats pass by.
‘What happened in your marriage, Jimmy?’Nel had asked, sensing he might be ready to talk about it.
He gazed across the water as he told her about his ex-wife in Wollongong who was now living with his ex-best mate, a formercolleague.‘I was angry at them both for a long time, but it was my fault too.I was living and breathing the job, and then when things went wrong on the Molly Peters case I … I didn’t handle it well.’A dark cloud came over his face.‘I would have been hard to live with.’
Nel had reached out, put a hand on his arm.
‘I’ve come to terms with it now,’ he went on, ‘but I still feel … I don’t know …’ He let the sentence hang, unfinished.‘Mum and Dad have been married for thirty-five years.I thought my marriage would be just like theirs, so I feel kind of … embarrassed, I guess, that it was so short-lived.’
He smiled then, the cloud lifting from his face.‘So that’s my tragic relationship history covered.Your turn.Any ex-husbands you haven’t mentioned?’
Nel had smiled as he sat back in his chair, his foot resting against hers.‘Just one failed proposal and a lot of very brief dalliances that ended almost before they began.’
He raised an eyebrow.‘Ended by you?’
‘Yeah.’She shrugged.‘I think I’ve always felt that I don’t deserve to be happy.’
‘Why?’
