‘Sorry.You look nice.Where have you been?’
‘I had an appointment.’She pushed off her sensible heels and padded up the hallway in stockinged feet.‘I’m dying for a cup of tea.Will you have one?’
‘Yeah, thanks.’Nel followed her into the kitchen and sat on the bench.‘What was the appointment?’
‘I met with a financial adviser,’ Cath said, scooping tea leaves into the pot.‘Steve set it up for me.A couple of weeks ago he asked me what I would do with the money when we settle on the clinic, and I said I didn’t know.He gave me a bit of a talking to actually, said I need to start getting organised.He was quite stern.’
Nel smiled at the thought of mild-mannered Steve getting tough with her.She couldn’t picture it.
‘He’s right too,’ Cath went on.‘I’ve never had anything to do with the finances.Your dad took care of all of that, bless him, and I was glad to leave him to it.But I can’t stick my head in the sand anymore.’She paused, then added, ‘Now that I’m on my own.’
‘You’re not on your own, Mum.’
The kettle clicked off.As Cath poured water into the teapot, she gave a small shrug, which made Nel feel sad.‘You know what I mean.’
She put the teapot on a tray with a jug of milk and two cups on saucers, then carried it into the lounge room.
As Nel watched Cath pour the tea, she thought of that day when she’d found her mother sitting on her bed reading her diary.Trembling with rage, Nel had stormed into the room and wrenched the book from her mother’s hands.
They’d never spoken about the incident since.Nel had interpreted the privacy breach as evidence that Cath doubted her innocence, but now she thought of Lauren’s desperate love for Poppy and wondered.
Nel cleared her throat.‘Do you remember when you read my diary?’
Cath looked up, frowning slightly as though wary of where the question might lead.
‘Why did you do that?’Nel asked, careful to keep her tone gentle.Curious.
‘That was a very difficult time,’ Cath said, putting the teapot down.‘You were so distant after Maddie died.You’d always been closer to your father, but when Maddie died your bond with him got even stronger.I wanted to help you, but you shut me out.I couldn’t reach you.I thought if I understood what you were feeling I might be able to find a way to you, so I read your diary.’Cath’s eyes shone with tears.‘I’m sorry.’
Nel frowned.‘But you said, “Is there something you need to tell me?”as though you thought I’d lied.’
Cath looked up, thinking.‘I don’t know, I must have meant was there anything you wanted to talk to me about.’She gave a little shrug.‘I just wanted you to talk to me.’
‘All these years I thought … I thought you doubted me, doubted my story.’
‘Oh no, I didn’t, not for a second,’ Cath said.She sighed.‘I should have tried harder to talk to you about it.I wasn’t at my best at that time.Your dad and I were …’ A long pause.‘Having some challenges.’
Nel thought of Viv.What was it she said?‘Then Maddie died and your dad said it had to stop.’Was that before or after the diary incident?Either way, Cath must have known by then.
Nel pictured her mum again with the diary open in her lap as she had so many times before, only this time she saw her in three dimensions.Not just as a mother, but as a woman.She saw Cath’s pain, not just her own.
‘I’m sorry too, Mum.’
Cath moved next to her and wrapped her arms around her.They sat like that for a long time.
‘What did the financial adviser say?’Nel asked, when they drew apart.
Her mum sighed.‘Oh, this and that.The good news is that I’m not going to run out of money.Rob had plenty of super.As long as I invest it well it will keep me going.And we’ll settle on the clinic soon, so there’s that too.’She took a sip of her tea.‘Do you know I’m likely to live for another twenty-five years?’
Nel nodded.
‘Twenty-five years …’ Cath repeated, stretching the words out as though she was contemplating something unfathomable, like the size of space or the speed of light.‘The financial planner told me that.He was trying to shock me I think, and it worked.He asked about my plans, wanting to make sure I have enough money, but it made me realise … I don’t have any plans.’
‘Oh, Mum, that’s not true.’
‘It is.I was thinking that I’d lived my life, that I’d just bumble along and soon I’d die too.But twenty-five years is an awfully long time to justbumble along, isn’t it?I can’t just sit here making quilts.’
Chapter 69
