‘I should go, too,’ Carol said.
‘Yeah. But what did you come over for? Sorry, we got distracted.’
Carol shook her head. She had the answer she’d wanted. Anna didn’t know where her sons lived either. ‘It was nothing. I’ll see you later.’
***
Anna watched Carol’s car turn onto the road, but her mind was a million miles away. She took a deep breath and looked down at the photos in her hands. There she was, standing next to Justin, her head tilted in the way she’d learned so painfully over the past few years. The way that hid the left side of her face. Her eyes passed over that part of the image to linger on Justin. The photographer had caught him laughing at something she had said. He was looking at her with that look she had never expected to see again. The look that said he saw her, not the scar. She tucked the photo carefully inside the calendar to protect it.
Justin and Ben looked back at her from the cover. They were wearing their uniforms—or some of their uniforms: both had removed their shirts and their braces hung loose. Two muscular bodies gleaming with sweat or some other photographer’s device. They were handsome, identical men. But not to her. Justin was easily distinguishable from his brother to her eyes. Her heart skipped and ached for something she would never have.
It wasn’t just the handsome face or the muscular body or the come-to-bed eyes. When she closed her eyes, she could see the way he moved with strength and confidence. She could hear his low laugh, joyful and oh so sexy. But while those things stirred her body, they weren’t what stirred her heart. It was the way he looked at her that had taken her battered heart and made it beat again.
She looked at Ben. They might be identical twins, but he was so different. He lacked Justin’s kindness and understanding. There was obviously something he struggled with. She understood struggle. She’d struggled with looking in the mirror every single day for more than three years. For that reason, she had already forgiven his rudeness to her. She wasn’t good enough for Justin, but one day Justin would meet someone who was. Someone he wanted to be with. He’d never let his brother down, and as long as his brother needed him, Justin would always put himself last. Which meant Ben was spoiling any chance Justin had of happiness. And for that, Anna would not forgive him.
She barely noticed the door of the surgery open until a voice called her name.
She shook her head to clear it. ‘Do I have a patient?’
‘Not exactly,’ her receptionist, Liz, replied. ‘I’ve got a little girl on the phone wanting to know when she can come and see Olaf. And when can he come home.’
Anna let the hand holding the calendar fall to her side. ‘On my way.’ Telling a little girl that her beloved dog was going to be fine was one of the best parts of her job.
After she’d finished the call, she looked at the clock and the empty waiting room. ‘I’ve got it from here,’ she told Liz. ‘You may as well head home.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Yeah.’
When she was alone at the desk, Anna opened a search page. She typed in a name and a familiar blue and white site appeared. She gently touched the side of her face as she heard again the words she’d heard in that restaurant. And on the street when buying groceries. Words she’d heard far too often and everywhere she went.
‘Terrible …’
‘Poor woman …’
‘You’d think she would do something …’
‘… plastic surgery …’
She didn’t want to hear those words again. To feel the pain and shame she felt every single time. She had learned to live with the way she looked, but the world still judged. Maybe it was time to do something about her face. She didn’t know exactly what could be done and she wasn’t sure she wanted to relive the experience of hospital and surgery and recovery, but it couldn’t hurt to find out what her options were.
She picked up her phone and dialled the number on the screen.
CHAPTER
27
Anna walked into an office that was painted a calming shade of pale blue. The receptionist behind the desk greeted her with a welcoming smile and did not blink nor in any way register her scarred face. This was the office of a plastic surgeon. Of course the receptionist would be used to seeing disfigured faces.
‘Good morning,’ Anna said.
‘Good morning.’
Anna was the only person in the waiting room. She sat filling in forms, then picked up a magazine she failed to read as she waited. She’d left Wagtail Ridge early and despite the long drive to Newcastle, she was ridiculously early for this appointment. But getting underway quickly had been important. If she’d stayed around the clinic, she would certainly have found some reason to cancel. It had taken all her courage to call the surgery in the first place. She wasn’t giving herself any excuse to back away.
The glass doors to the waiting room opened and another woman came in. Anna looked up to see a tall woman, model thin and quite beautiful. The woman blinked when she saw Anna’s face and looked away, reminding Anna of just why she was here. Not that she needed it.
What did this woman need with a plastic surgeon? She was gorgeous. No one would ever stare at her with pity. No child in the street would ever point at her in shock. She was probably here for a bit of Botox. Anna started to feel unreasonably annoyed at the woman, but then she caught herself. Some scars don’t show. She had scars on her body that were just as bad as the one on her face, but no one ever saw them. This woman might too. And even if she was here for cosmetic surgery, that was her choice. Anna had no right to criticise. But looking at that woman reminded her that she had been beautiful once. She’d thought she was past the regret, but she wasn’t. Not really. She might never be.
