What if they find out?
They can’t find out. You can’t let that happen. There’s too much at stake. Only one person knows. She recognized me at the clinic. I saw it in her face before she turned away.
And the reporter? She’s digging into your past, trying to ruin your name.
Her, too. She has to be stopped.
The doctor?
He’ll never say anything. He’s afraid for himself. They’re all afraid. I won’t go back there. I’ll be all right if everyone will just go away.
And the other women?
Leave them alone. It’s Tania Marie. She’s the one.
The cramps swallow up everything but the fear. No one must find me. No one. Just go away now, if you love me. Leave me alone in the Secret Hours. I’m hungry, and there’s so little time before dawn.
Rikki
I hadn’t expected it to get dark so fast. I make my visit, anyway, following the tenuous black ribbon of Belmont Avenue. It might be easier at night, I reason, without that verdant, sunlit reminder of everything that remains behind when someone we loves leaves this earth.
The cemetery is the brightest place on the abandoned street. Perhaps that’s why the looters and trashers loot and trash the fast-food places and tire shops, instead. They don’t want to stepinto the spotlight of this world. Neither do I, but I have no choice.
The ribbon gets skinnier and darker. Damn, would she want me to do this? Of course she would. She’d expect it. I try not to register the graves that stand like stark road signs. I just move, realizing I’m not sure where it is. I don’t even know where my own cousin is buried.
Then I see the car. Black. Understated. Clean as rain. Pete’s. I stop, trying to decide if I should invade his life while he’s out here, mourning. As am I.
No. I’d better drive on.
Then I hear a noise. See him approaching me. I stop, roll down my window.
“Sorry,” I say. “I just felt it was time.”
“I’ll leave you alone, then.”
Tears shine on his cheeks.
“I need to talk to you,” I say. “I wanted to stop here first.
“I didn’t think—”
“I come every night.”
Do I really want to go through with this, put both of us through more than we’re already suffering? “I’ll call you tomorrow morning. We can get together before I go back.”
“Let me buy you a drink,” he says.
“Where?”
“I don’t know. It’s Friday night all over town.”
“I’m not sure I can deal with that.”
“Me neither. Junior Pacheco’s little brother’s got a match out at the casino. I promised Junior I’d meet him there.”
Ringside Lewis,Lisa used to call him. “You love your boxing.”
“I love Junior.” His voice catches.
