He let out a breath.
“If?”
It was the worst word he’d ever heard.
“I’d be lying if I saidwhen,” Ezer said.
He could feel his eyes turning wet. He swallowed back the burn in his throat.
How could he tell her? How could he admit his own weakness toher,who was so strong, so bold and unbreakable? How could he dare admit to her that he was...
That he might not be who she needed him to be.
“I did it...to protect myself,” Arawn said. “Because...”
He couldn’t look at her. He couldn’t let her see him cry.
“Look at me, Arawn,” she said.
And he swore he could hardly even stand as he met her gaze and said, “Because I didn’t know you that day in the tower. All I knew were my orders, and they were to deliver you here, to have you become any other soldier.” He sighed. “But you aren’t any other soldier. You are...”
“What am I?” she asked.
His heart was beating against his rib cage.Move closer to her,his body said, but his mind...
It knew she’d want him to stay away.
He’d manipulated her, in his own way. He’d pretended not to know a damned thing about her uncle, and now the thought of hurting her again...
He wished he could inflict that pain upon himself, tenfold, if only to remove the ache in her eyes.
“You are stubborn,” Arawn said.
At that, she recoiled.
You idiot,he thought.What are you saying?
This wasn’t the speech he’d practiced. But his words just tumbled out, and he was powerless to stop them.
He stepped a bit closer, pulled towards her like a magnet.
“You are crass, and you are curious to your own detriment, but I adore how much it keeps me on my toes. And you are perhaps the messiest eater I have ever met. Worse than Six.”
She glared at him. “If this is supposed to be a slew of compliments, Arawn...”
Stop talking!His mind screamed at him.
But his idiotic tongue just kept spilling words.
“You are brilliant with her, and you are bold to spend your days with Kinlear, andgods,the way you speak to people, the way you challenge them...the way you do not falter, not even when it comes to a shadow wolf...it’s like you aren’t even afraid, Ezer.”
He stepped a little bit closer.
This time, she did not back away.
“You are everything I am not. Everything I wish I could be, because you do not bend to the will of anyone but yourself.”
“That’s not true,” she said.
