The color of her blood.
The blade...and the way she’d screamed at him togo...just go.
Kinlear didn’t even flinch at the sound of her name. He just looked at Arawn, no light left in his eyes, and whispered, “She’s dead. Her eagle, and yours, too.”
Three blows to his heart.
But he felt numb as Kinlear said it, numb as he pictured them all...because that place where his fire once was, where his heart had once beat for the things he believed in?
Now there was only a cold, empty pit.
Now there were only ashes.
“I lost her,” Arawn whispered. He could barely talk, for the pain in his chest. Alaris had stitched him back together with magic.
But the real wound, the one that reached all the way down to his soul?
There wasn’t a magic that existed that could help heal him from it. It was far too deep.
“You...youlosther?” Kinlear whispered. “That’s all you can say?”
“She was flying too fast,” Arawn said. Tears spilled down his cheeks. He was in agony.
He wanted to die, to go home to the Ehver, because at least there, he would not have to feel anymore.
At least there, he would be free of this torture. To live without her was worse than any sort of penance he’d ever felt.
He heaved for breath between tears.
He swore his verysoulwas split in two.
“You can’t have just lost her,” Kinlear hissed. “She was yourSecond.You were better than her in the sky, you were--”
“I wasn’t,” Arawn cut him off, remembering her speed. Her sacrifice. And then he was staring blankly at his own hands, one that had once held hers. “I tried. I wasn’t fast enough. I wasn’t prepared for what I would find when?—"
When he found her on the snow,changed.
His brother’s face twisted in rage. His hand went to the Scribe’s blade at his hip, as if he would draw it. As if he would use it against him.
Let him,Arawn told himself.You deserve to be ended for this.
“You did it because she wasmine,” Kinlear growled.
“Didwhat?” Arawn’s eyes snapped to his.
“You loved her,” Kinlear hissed. “Admit it.”
Arawn’s mouth opened, but he said nothing. He didn’t think he had the strength to deny it. To denyher,even after what she’d done to him. Even after what she’d said to Avane on the battlefield. How she’d screamed at her god and the hatred inside of her had burned and burned and burned until it was palpable.
Until he felt it, too.
She killed you,his mind growled.She wanted you dead. Deny her. Let her go, Arawn!
He sucked in a trembling breath. “I...”
But Kinlear didn’t let him speak.
“You werefuriouswhen she was Matched with me. You couldn’t handle the possibility of her lovingme.”
