The space between them yawned wider. Karr knew if he kept going, he might not ever be able to reach Cade again.
“Look at yourself,” Karr said softly. “Look at what you’ve become.” His breathing grew heavy behind his visor. “Give me a reason to believe that you’re stillyou.Please. Tell me the truth. What does he have on you? What does he have on… on us? Because I’ve gone over and over it in my mind, Cade, and the only conclusion I can come to is that he’s threatened you, or…”
“You’re wrong,” Cade said. “You’re not thinking clearly. You’re acting like a child. You can’t go through life without taking a risk, Karr, without seizing an opportunity when it comes. You’d know this if you’d ever had to think for yourself, to make decisions, but I’ve protected you from that burden.Imake the hard choices,Ikeep us alive, andyoufollow. That is our way.”
Karr felt like he’d been slapped across the face.
“How proud Jeb would be of you, Cade,” Karr said. “You’ve turned out just like him.”
“Just… listen,” Cade pleaded with him.
“How many died in the attack?” Karr asked. “I want you to say it.”
Acid filled his stomach as he waited for the answer. He took a deep breath.
The ground felt like it was too far from his feet, as if he were standing a hundred stories tall. For a moment, it was all he could do not to topple over. He closed his eyes, forced himself to take another breath.
“How many?” Karr asked again.
Cade shifted. “At least… two hundred.”
Karr nearly sank to his knees. Dohrsaranandhuman, for Karr couldn’t stop seeing the faces of their own crew that had fallen. Higgins, with his tall, broad frame and constant frown. Sampson, with his untamable mane of hair. Lex, who had a family back on her home planet.So many sisters it’s hard to count,she’d told Karr once.
Now there was no one to send money back home to those sisters.
Now there were three empty bunks and more holes in Karr’s heart that he didn’t think he’d ever be able to refill.
“Get away from me,” Karr said.
Not a shout but a whisper, full of pain.
“Get away from me, and don’t come back until you’re ready to call off this war and set themfree.”
“I can’t,” Cade said. He closed his eyes, and behind his visor, Karr saw how shallow his cheeks had become. “I cannot, and will not fail, Karr. This is the only way.”
The door to the loading dock slid open with a hiss, and Rohtt marched onto the platform, heavy footfalls mixing in time with the workers’ hammers and drills down below.
“Geisinger on the line,” Rohtt said with a sneer, looking past Karr as if he were only a part of the horizon.
Cade sighed. “I’ll be there in a moment.”
“Geisinger doesn’t have a moment, Kingston.” Rohtt crossed his scarred arms. For the first time, Karr realized that Rohtt had probably been on the wrong side of the Great War. Crossman or not… it was like he had no soul. Karr wondered where those scars had come from, and what victims likely lay in shallow graves on the other side of the story. “There will be time for your little family fits when the job is done.”
“Go,” Karr said. “Run to your new god and worship him.”
Cade glared at him. He turned and was almost to theStarfalldoors when Karr spoke up.
“Is it worth it?” he asked.
“Is it worth what?”
“Your soul,” Karr said.
Cade didn’t answer.
He only swiped his palm on the scanner beside the door. It slid open, and he disappeared inside the enclosed halls of theStarfall,leaving Karr alone. The longer he stood here, the longer he allowed himself to stare out at this planet, the memory of that place returned clearer. The half-darkness, the half-light.
The place where he’d been asked to make a choice before he came back to life.
