“Uh-oh,” he says, his hand stiffening in mine, before he pulls it back.
“Don’t worry,” I say in a voice so small, it’s almost a whisper.“It’s nothing bad.Not really...”
I take a deep breath, and turn to look out over the silvery, shimmering track.I’m not sure where Matt and I will lead, but I know if I don’t open up to him 100 percent like he has with me, if I don’t take the leap and bare it all, I’ll never know.
“When we were young, I had um...bigfeelings for you.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I can see him smile into the darkness.“Yeah.I kinda got that from our conversation after karaoke in the garage.I can’t tell you how sorry I am I didn’t realize sooner.”
“Thing is, Matt...after you left, I was in a bad place.I really liked you, maybe even loved you in that crazy firstlove sort of way.It’s scary to say, but it messed me up for years.”
He says nothing, but I see his head tip forward a little.
“You talk about the risk line with racing, how you instinctively know where that line is?Well, I never knew wherethe line was with you.I mistook every kindness, every conversation, every arm around my shoulders for more than it was.”
“That must have been confusing,” he says quietly.
“It was torture,” I say, laughing bitterly.
Matt starts to protest.“But my dad asked me—”
“I know.I get it now.I get why an eighteen-year-old fucking wunderkind didn’t have time for a girl from home ...It makes sense you were doing it because you felt you had to.”
“That’s not the whole truth,” he counters.“It’s like I said before in Austin.I genuinelylikedhanging out with you.We used to talk.Reallytalkto each other.”
“Matt” I say, sighing.“Just be real with me.”
He turns his head sharply.“Here’s what’s real.I adored spending time with you.You were fun, and smart, and damn, you understood racing like no one else.You meant a lot to me, more than I was willing to admit.You still do, but now I see how crazy I was to let you go all those years ago.
“I was an asshole,” he continues.“I ran out on everyone like a spoiled fucking kid.”
“I get that you had this break none of us had,” I interject.
“Sure, but I didn’t get what was important.Maybe it’s the crash, maybe I understand the stakes now,” he says.“Chloe.Listen to me.If you had feelings for me once, please don’t shut me out because of the past.Or work, or whatever it is you think is keeping us apart.We are adults.And now we have this chance to ...explore this.No one is in the way.
There are no obligations, just what we want.And I know without a shadow of a doubt I want you.I want to make you happy, Bug.Just how you make me feel.”
I look at his pleading face and hear his urgent tone, and for the first time, I genuinely take in what Matt Warner is telling me.I feel the truth coming from him.
“No one is telling us not to,but you.”
My breath catches, and it takes everything, all my steel, to calm my nerves.
“I’m just saying,” he continues, his voice softening, “we can make this work.I know it.”
The silence thickens between us.
“I hear you,” I say quietly.“I really do hear you.”
He smiles softly, his eyes taking on a wicked glint as he leans a little closer, his thumb stroking my cheek.“You better.”His voice now has that gravelly edge.
My heart stops beating, and I’m pretty sure it’s never going to start again.
As if conspiring in the moment, a cloud passes over the moon, covering us in near darkness.“I don’t think you understand how I havenofucking control around you,” he says, his voice suddenly tight.
Before I have a chance to think of anything other than how much I want him inside me, he grabs me around the waist and rolls over, pulling me down so I’m on top of him.I pull back, straddling him.I bite my lip, stilling as I look down at him, unable to make much out in the dark.
“No one can know,” I say, unable to hide my amusement as I say it.I’m just repeating a mantra we both know has become a flimsy excuse.Like it’s made of dust, one breath and it’s gone into the wind.
