And then my body kind of shuts down and I let Leo guide me from the boat to a taxi service that takes me to Genoa. On the trip I think about moments in my life, Dad at the kitchen counter telling stories, Mum slipping around quietly. The contrast between them was always deep, but now I see it through a new lens.
When we get to the airport, I feel a horrible numbness wash over me.Staring at the check-in counter, I pick up my bag, ignoring the urn.
“You take it,” I say, averting my eyes from Leo. “And please don’t come. Go back. Finish the book.”
Leo dismisses me out of hand, grabbing his own bag and paying the driver, a move that irritates me.
“I said don’t come,” I say, my eyes lifting to his. Numb. Numb.
“I don’t want you to come.”
“Olive,” he says, firmly now. “I don’t think you should be alone.”
“I want to be alone,” I say. “I haven’t been properly alone in weeks and I want to be alone now. I’m going to go through security and I’m going to call my best friends. And then I’m going to call my mother to tell her I’m coming to Yorkshire. And I don’t want you to come through there with me.Please.”
Leo looks momentarily furious but accepts what I’m saying.
“Stubborn,” he says.
“You are,” I reply, sniffing, wiping my face with the back of my hand.
“I’m sorry, Olive,” he begins, but I hold my hand up to stop him from talking.
“Later,” I say.
He glances back at the taxi stand, and the huge queue that is forming. He pulls his phone out of his bag and then finally looks as though he’s going to give up. I am relieved. I need him gone so I can clear my head.
“Fine,” he says. “I don’t like leaving you alone, but I’m not going to keep fighting you. Call Ginny and Kate as soon as you get through to the other side. If you can’t talk to me, talk to them.”
“I will,” I say.
“Olive,” he says. “This shouldn’t change anything. Don’t let it...”
I cut him off. “I know. I do know that.”
He grabs my arm and tries to tug me in, but I shrug him off. And then he nods as the seriousness of my feelings sinks in.
“I’ll find out what Roger knows,” he says. “Let me at least do that for you.”
I nod quickly, grateful. “I’ll call you,” I say, wanting to lean into him, but instead turning and heading for security. I look back only once and see that Leo is on his phone, his face etched with concern. I wonder what all this means. What it means for the restaurant. For Leo. For us.
32Home
MUM IS NOTsurprised to see me. She jumps out of the porch chair and rushes toward me as though I’m a small child. In a way, it’s how I feel. Her house in the country has never felt like my old home, but coming to see her feels as close as it could get.
The gray-stone cottage looks small from the front with its ancient thatched roof and small wood-framed windows, but in fact, it leads to a large open-plan kitchen and lounge, which spill out onto a quintessentially British lawn, with three beehives, and at the far end, a hedgerow breaking Mum’s yard from the farm behind.
“Olive,” she says. Her hair is grayer than it was the last time I saw her, but the immaculate bob remains with the short fringe she’s always had. Mum has always been so stylish and so graceful.
She puts her arms around me, and when she pulls me in, I allow myself to feel comforted by it, despite my anger.
“I finally got through to Leo and he said you might be heading here.”
I feel numb, empty. I just want to get to the truth of why I came.
“Come inside,” she says, motioning for me to sit. “I’m so sorry. I am so very sorry, Olive. You must feel...”
I look up at her, my eyes moist, red from crying. “Lied to?”
