“But I saw a photo on her Instagram,” I say meekly.
“Was Kate on Ash’s Instagram?”
“No,” I say and then: “Are they really not together?”
“No, you dumbass. He likes you. He’s crazy about you. I know you like him too. You need to get on with it. You’re not still thinking about Joe, are you?”
“Not really,” I lie.
We drive down the main street and spot Ryan coming out of the windsurfing kit hire shop. He waves good-bye to the lads and nods in our direction. Job done there. I drop Samira at the fish market on the far end of the pier, and as she slides out the passenger door she grins my way. “Reckon we can get this done, or what?”
“It’s possible,” I say, looking out the window. I swear I can see more whispered chitchat among the locals than usual. “So you’re here until four fifteen, and then?”
“Well, Ash suggested we all go to the Star and Anchor,” she says. “Five p.m. But Ryan can’t make it, so it would just be us three.”
“Well, that would be nice,” I say, side-eyeing her.
The rest of the afternoon is a blur of social anxiety and excitement. I tell the story about Lynn, everyone gasps and promises not to tell anyone, and I leave knowing they will tell everyone. Withonly a week to go until the election, I hope we can all say that we’ve done enough.
I’m at the pub before Samira, and when I open the door, desperate for a glass of wine or an ice-cold beer, the first person I see is Ash, sitting there at the little table by the bar.
34
He grins at mewhen he sees me, pushing the chair adjacent to him out so I have to sit right there with him. And I’m glad.
“Hey, stranger,” says Ash.
“Hi,” I say with a smile as I drop my gym bag. “Thanks for helping.”
“I like helping you,” he says plainly.
I can’t answer. I don’t know what to say, so I smile weakly. “I like you helping me too.”
He smiles back and waves Eddie over—who actually smiles at me and says hello, and then Ash orders me a beer, glancing over at me to confirm he made the right decision. I nod. This is not rude or presumptuous of him; it’s attentive. He’s always attentive. I thank him.
“I hear you didn’t actually get back with Kate.”
“No,” he says, shaking his head, “it was all a bit silly, really. We’d both moved on. It was one dinner date in the end.”
“Really?”
“Yes.” He is nervous. I can feel the vibration of his leg moving up and down.
I want to calm him. I reach over and put my hand over his and he looks startled at first and then turns his face to me. He is uneasy. His hand stiffens under mine.
“I get it,” I say.
He pulls his hand back and looks at me. “You really didn’t see him in Vienna?”
“No,” I say, “I couldn’t find him. And honestly, I just keep thinking about you.”
“Because you couldn’t find him?”
“No, because I couldn’t bear the thought that I’d lost you.”
He nods cautiously.
“I’m not very good at knowing what I want, Ash. I’m not very good at trusting my own feelings. I struggle with it. It’s almost like if it’s big and unattainable, then it must be love. But if it’s real and simple and easy, it can’t be.”
