“I’m ashamed to say I’ve not been in ages,” Ben says. “Dad says he’s waiting for grandkids to resume the camping trips. Remember our trips, Mara? You were always spotting shit that wasn’t there. So cute.”
I groan and avert my eyes from his teasing grin.
Dad arrives with the face cake of my mother sliced up into finger-size pieces. I grab a piece and feel slightly weird seeing a single brown fondant left eye beaming up at me.
“An eye,” I say.
“I can’t believe you’re eating my mother,” Ben says to Ash as he tosses a slice into his mouth, and Ash almost gags.
“Just messing with you, bro,” says Ben.
“Oh my God, Ben! Don’t be gross,” I say, hitting him on the arm. “Come on, Ash, I’ll show you my room.”
But it takes a good hour to get there. There are aunts to hug, kids to cuddle, and Dad hovering around interjecting every five minutes to say things like, “No, you’re not hallucinating, Mara’s finally home! Can you believe it? Doesn’t she look like a princess? Whatever happened to that job you got at the film studio?”
I finally lead Ash upstairs into my room, which has been kept exactly as it was when I left. I get a pang of nostalgia when I see the posters on my walls.Junoon one wall.Little Miss Sunshineonanother. A corkboard with a hundred cinema ticket stubs. My school desk still has my landline, and even my first iPhone is sitting in a little cup with various pencils and pens. I pick up a notebook from my bookcase and flick through it, cringing at the seriousness of my ramblings.
“Good God, I have not changed,” I say, laughing. “Look at these quotes I’ve written, all from movies.”
I hold up one particularly intricate one, the words delicately sketched with lacy lettering.
“What does it say?” Ash asks. “I can’t make it out.”
“Life is not a series of coincidences, but rather, it’s a myriad of events that culminate in one perfect plan. It’s fate.”
“Is that like Buddhism or something?” Ash says.
“Nothing that profound. It’s the message of the movieSerendipity.”
Ash looks at me and kind of cough-laughs.
“I loved it,” I say.
“I can imagine,” he replies, grinning.
“I have believed so hard in romantic destiny since forever,” I say. “Don’t look at me like that. I’m not ashamed to believe in romantic destiny. All the great romantics do it. Imaginenotbelieving in it. Now, there’s a life so void of magic I wouldn’t even want to be part of it.”
I laugh uncomfortably, tossing the notebook on my desk and turning to the room setup. Mum has made Ash a pullout mattress on the floor with her “good linen.”
I turn to Ash and ask him if we can leave.
“Leave? Feels like we’ve only just arrived.”
“We’ve mingled,” I say flatly.
“Why?” he asks, putting his overnight bag down on the floor.He looks at me, and although he doesn’t mention the lying about the job and exaggerating the boyfriend, I know he’s thinking about it. He’s studying me.
“What is it?” he asks.
“I only lie to them because it keeps them off my back,” I say, shrugging. “If they think I’m struggling it will be a nightmare.”
“We’ve all embellished shit to our parents,” he says, shrugging.
“I wonder sometimes if I’ve let it go so long there is no way back,” I say now, feeling a momentary sting of tears.
“Of course there is. Family is family, Mara. Go have a gin with your mum and take the piss out of your brother. That’s how it works.”
“I just feel so uncomfortable,” I say. “I don’t know how to connect with them anymore.”
