“It’s my mum’s birthday in a couple of weeks andMara you have to make an effort please,” I say, mimicking my dad’s deep voice. “I’ve been avoiding them.”
There is a silence, and I look at Ash, who is studying my face. I feel the heat in my neck begin to crawl up my cheeks at sharing the information. “You don’t want to go home?” he asks.
“No,” I say quietly.
“Why?”
“My parents and I kind of clash. They’re not weird or horrible or anything. They’re super nice, really. But I left home with all these big dreams of working in the movies. I went to film school. And they were like,Mara, you need a plan B.
“And then, you know, it didn’t work out. And I had to call my dad for money a few times, and it was really excruciating. And it was easier to just stay away. I do go home, but I always feel like such a loser when I’m there. I can almost hear theI told you soringing in my ears when I so much as think of Corbridge.”
“You could be wrong,” he says.
“Nah, I’m not,” I reply. “I left them in no doubt I thought I was going tomake it. And that I was embarrassed of them. I was a bit of a stupid teenage asshole.”
“Hey, why don’t I come?” he says.
“To Corbridge? Are you high?”
“Hear me out. There is a dark park in Northumberland, right? We could camp and drink whisky and look at Andromeda? You could go to your mum’s birthday, and I’ll come too, and then we can do that.”
“You don’treallywant to come, do you?”
“A weekend away would be...” He sighs and then kind of moans. “It would be kind of amazing. What do you think?”
“I dunno, Ash,” I say. “Plus it’s high summer; you’re not going to get the best out of the dark park.”
“It will still be better than what we can see here. Come on.” He’s excited now, sitting up, staring out across the black ocean in front of us. “I could bring a telescope so we can at least see more than with the naked eye.”
“Speaking of naked, there is a famous dogging spot right next to the car park,” I say.
“Well, two birds,” he says, grinning.
“As many birds as you like,” I reply. And we both laugh as I stand up and rub the grass off my pants and reach out to help him up too. The blanket, the grass, it triggers a strong vision of Ash alone in the darkness. A small tent, the proximity of sleeping so close to him. I see the stars, feel the cool air and a warming whisky. I get a rush of pleasure at the thought of it, which is replaced almost as quickly by worry.
This idea is tempting the wrong fate.
And yet, I want to do it.
“Don’t overthink it,” Ash says, his eyes trying to catch mine. “If you like the idea, let’s just go.”
Don’t overthink it.The words hum around in my mind, and I bristle. That’s the very problem, of course. I already am overthinking it. And so now it’s become a decision I have to somehow make.
17
I’ve been frantic.It’s only three days until our cinema event and it has been a herculean effort from everyone; the days feel short, and my thoughts chaotic. The trip to Corbridge and my mother’s birthday is next weekend, and while work is proving a welcome distraction, I have a dreadful sense that things around me are starting to spin out of control.
It doesn’t help that when I get home that evening, desperate for wine and a calming movie, I find Ash with a bucket of plain biscuit-colored paint in his hand, naked from the pants up, his boilersuit arms tied round his waist and his broad, sweaty, very fit chest bare. I have to duck under him to get through the door, immediately getting that smell of fresh sweat and newly sanded wood as I brush past him. And then I get a whiff of the paint.
“What are you doing?” I ask, feeling my cheeks burn from being within a whisper of his naked chest. I look down at the paint on the floor to avoid eye contact while the embarrassment subsides.
“Surprise!” he says. “I’m making a start on the entrance area.”
“But what about—I thought we’d do it together, like, and plan the colors and whatnot,” I say, and then I brush on a huge smile. “Don’t get me wrong. It’s... brilliant.”
He raises an eyebrow, immediately clocking my fake smile. “You don’t like Almost Oyster?”
“Is that the name of the color?”
