Fucking awesome. and
Did you have news?
Yes! We’ve got this wedding to go to in Glasgow, so I’m coming to see you!
I freeze. Fuckitty-fuck.
A wedding?
Yeah, we thought we’d swing by for a night and say hi, and then head on to the wedding.
Who’s ‘we’, I wonder? And a previous Birdy wonders if Tim’s going to invite me as his plus one.
Whose wedding?
The little speech bubbles appear and disappear, and then finally:No one you know. Distant cousin.
Cousin? So, his family will be there. And looks like I’m definitely not invited. Not that I’d want to go, but still.
Then I hear James’s breathing pause and I close my phone down, so the room fills with darkness again. He rolls over, then starts deep breathing again, and I gaze at the outline of him for a moment before pulling my phone out again.
I won’t be able to see you. It’s busy here. And you can’t stay here – it’s high summer.
I wait, but there’s no immediate reply.
So, don’t come. We could meet in the middle somewhere?If I can get Tim to meet me somewhere else, maybe I can avoid the disaster that would be Tim at Loch Dorn.
I wait another few minutes.
What do you think?
Finally he replies.
We’re coming. We’re so into it. We’ll come undercover.
CHRIST! Oh my God. I can’t think of what to say, so I try to lay it out for him honestly.
Tim. No. Absolutely not.
I wait in the dark, my heart thumping. Shit. No. Shit!
No. You shouldn’t come. It’s a bad idea.
I hear James cough in the dark and then stir again. ‘Heather?’ he says, and I feel a deep sense of panic. ‘Are you okay? You’re not sneaking off, are you?’
‘No, no. Just got a message,’ I say, and I look down at my phone. Tim still hasn’t replied. ‘Sorry, my mum got in touch and I was worried,’ I say, cursing myself for lying.
I hear him shuffle a little. ‘Everything okay?’
‘Yes, yes. We’re all good,’ I say, my heart thumping hard in my chest.
I slip my phone away and wander over to James and stand by the bed. The blinds are open, and a particularly bright moon means I can see his face and he can see mine. He looks sleepy and warm, while I feel a chill around my bare shoulders. He smiles at me and reaches up to hold my hand, our fingers intertwine and he reaches his other hand up and touches my thigh. I want to stop him, but I also don’t. There is something intoxicating about the distraction. Everything else is pushed into the background while I feel his fingers on my leg, and his thumb gently stroking my hand.
He runs his hand upwards, so it’s on the waistband of my knickers, and he tugs me towards him gently. I can feel his curled fingers pressed into my lower belly, and the waves of pleasure and anxiety are so intertwined I cannot think clearly.
I climb onto the bed, so I’m on top of him, and lay myself down across his body, keeping just enough weight on my arms so he doesn’t take all of it. He reaches up and puts his hand on my face and kisses me gently on my cheek. I feel desperately nervous and I’m scared how it’s coming across to him.
‘Are you okay?’ he whispers, as his hands stop short of my lower back.
