‘Oh, thanks, but I have enough on my plate. So to speak.’
I laugh and look over to James and, as I do, he reaches across to me and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. It’s so unexpected, and so intimate, I pull away from the shock.
‘Sorry.’
‘It’s okay,’ I say and I can’t stop myself blushing.
‘Is your hair naturally darker?’
‘Yeah, it’s dyed,’ I say, feeling embarrassed.
‘It’s lovely.’
I take a deep breath. The attraction is so strong it feels overwhelming. This is dangerous.
‘Ah, James,’ I say. I need to call the situation. Lay it out. ‘Look, you’re like, so nice. And in someCountryfileversion of my life, you would be very much my type. So far, all signs point to you not being weird. I mean, I’m sure, like most dudes, you’ve got some weird thing – and I’m not judging, we’ve all got them. And I’m ninety-nine per cent sure you’ve got a mother complex. And I’mdefinitelyattracted to you? It’s just …’
‘What’s the point, because you’re moving on? We don’thaveto think about that,’ he says, laughing.
We sit in silence for a moment and I try not to let the roar of the river drown my senses. There’s a part of me that doesn’t trust him. It’s that deep, ever-present voice telling me that if he’s interested in me, there has to be something wrong with him. But I’m also unable to stop myself from indulging in the undeniable pleasure of being next to him.
I reach over across the blanket and find his hand. I don’t look at James, but I can see out of the corner of my eye that he isn’t looking at me, either. His hand is warmer than mine as he’s been holding the tea, and he must feel it too, because he slips his out from under mine and puts his on top, and then he wraps his fingers around my fingers.I feel fifteen. It’s so incredibly sweet. But a vision of Heather slips into my head and I quietly groan.
‘What is it?’ he says, as I pull my hand out from under his.
If this guy really is as wonderful as he seems, I can’t lead him on like this. He thinks I’m Heather, and I need to find a way to put some distance between us.
‘I’m sort of seeing someone,’ I blurt out.
He looks mortified, rubbing his hands down his trouser legs as if trying to remove the evidence of our touch. ‘Shit, I …’
‘Your mum met him, actually,’ I say, looking at the river so I can’t see his face.
‘Oh, right. She did mention that you were with someone that night, but she thought you …’ His voice trails off.
‘It’s complicated,’ I try to say more firmly. ‘But I should have said something sooner.’
My throat chokes, as my mouth betrays my feelings, and I grit my teeth and try to keep going. ‘I wasn’t sure if this was a friend thing or I’d have mentioned it earlier …’ My voice trails off. It’s so unkind. I knew exactly what I was doing.
‘Shit, I’m so embarrassed,’ he says.
‘No, no, don’t be,’ I say quickly. ‘It’s not exactly a concrete thing. How do I explain? Like, I’ve not met his parents or anything. I don’t know where it’s going really, but I felt like I should tell you.’
‘Sure,’ he smiles, but it’s tight and he looks embarrassed. ‘Well, shall we do some fishing? That’s why we’re here, after all.’
After a moment’s hesitation James stands up and then offers his hand to help me up.
With one salmon in the boot and a blood-stripe down my temple, we’re heading back to the cottage. I didn’t really enjoy fishing. Those beautiful fish bounding up out of the water, only to be yanked out and prepared for a fish pie. Still, James seemed to enjoy it, and I could understand how, for someone like him, it was about being close to the land. After my awkward revelation aboutthe boyfriend, he did finally relax again and I enjoyed watching him.
‘The reopening,’ he says, ‘are you feeling ready?’
‘I need to keep my head down and learn the wine list some more, then I hope I’m good to go,’ I say.
‘That sounds an awful lot likepassionto me,’ he says with a grin.
More like survival. ‘Hey, thanks for today. I loved it.’
‘No you didn’t,’ he laughs.
