‘No, there were not,’ I agree. Here goes. ‘And can you do something else for me? Could you do the role of sommelier over lunch? I want to watch you, and take some notes.’
‘I mean, sure,’ she replies, her face flushing slightly. ‘But I’m sure you …’
‘Every place does it differently. Besides, no one is ever too experienced to learn something new, right? I want to see how you do a whole service.’
‘I can do that, Heather.’
‘But can we keep it on the down-low?’ I say. ‘Irene is really stressed, and I don’t want her to worry that I’m not up to speed or whatever.’
‘You got it!’
‘Great, then we’ll do the stocktake, and then I’ll need to rest before dinner,’ I say, looking at my phone. Lunch until 2 p.m., I’ll allow two hours for the stocktake, then two hours hidden away in my room learning more of the wine list. And I’ve decided to change tactics. Two wines from each section this afternoon, so that I have a base knowledge across the whole thing.I wish there were more hours in the day. A new feeling for me; usually I wish the day was over.
‘My dad says it’s an incredible list, but a bit long,’ Roxy is saying.
‘Oh, it’s absolutely ridiculous.’
16.
I watch Roxy intently.
Offer menu. Offer aperitif.
She knows I’m watching and looks nervously across at me. I write it down in my notebook. This is what I should have done that first bloody night, instead of chatting to Bill. And that other awful night, instead of half-knocking myself out with a champagne cork. I’ve seen it happen; I’ve been a customer eating and drinking with fancy service around me, but it isn’t until you actually break it down that you realize there’s a purpose to the order of every step.
Roxy suggests a glass of champagne as an aperitif to the first table. A Canadian couple. Honeymooners, I think. They decline.
She asks about water. Still or sparkling? Then the wine. They select a rosé – Whispering Angel. I know this one already: delicate and bone-dry through the finish. I’m not exactly sure what a ‘bone-dry’ wine will taste like, and I hope they might not finish the whole bottle, so I can find out.
As she passes me, Roxy tries to see what I’m writing down, and I have to pretend not to hide my notes while doing my best to hide them.
‘I feel like I’m sitting a test.’
‘So does the waitress normally do the water here, or the sommelier?’
‘It depends on how busy we are. Russell is a bit more modern in his approach – we always offer it first, so there is at least something on the table.’
‘Do you offer tap?’
‘Russell says no.’
‘And do you serve from the left, clear from the right? Do I have to help with any of that stuff too?’ I don’t mean it to come out as whiny as it sounds.
‘Maybe sometimes. You know, it’s not silver service. Irene says take the side that is more discreet. Like, don’t clear a plate between two people who are talking.’
‘Okay, well, that makes it easy.’
I watch her bring the wine to the table and turn the label round, to show the man, who nods. Roxy unscrews the lid – no corkscrew, lucky! – and pours a small amount for the man to taste. He does. He shrugs, giggling at his partner, and waves for Roxy to pour it. Roxy fills the woman’s glass first.Woman first, I note down. Then she takes out her pad and notes down their orders.
When she returns, I watch her grab an ice bucket, fill it with ice and then grab a stand from the side of the bar, slide the bucket in, fold a white linen cloth neatly around the neck and tuck it discreetly by the back wall.
‘I wouldn’t always do that,’ she whispers. ‘But if it’s just two of them over lunch we’ll need to keep it chilled – they will likely drink slowly.’
As service wraps up two hours later, I head down to the cellar, telling Roxy I’ll begin the stocktake while she sets up for dinner service.I got this. I’ve helped with a stocktake at a pub before: how hard can it be? Through the dark, that unmistakable smell of Stilton rounds hits my nose.
‘Goodbye, darkness my old friend,’ I whisper, pulling the light switch, only to find Anis there, sitting in the near pitch-black, hovering over a glass of red wine.
‘Sprung,’ she says flatly.
