‘It was only a summer job,’ she snapped.
Support her, Elizabeth Finch.
‘Oh, okay,’ I replied, nodding.
‘And I only took it because I thought I should see Scotland at some point in my life because, well, I’m half-Scottish. It’s a rundown old place in the middle of nowhere. But it was near Skye, and I wanted to see Skye. You know how I’ve always wanted to go to Skye. My mum was born there.’
‘I know, I know,’ I said quickly.
‘Anyway, the place has terrible reviews on Tripadvisor. Honestly, they don’t need a bloody sommelier, they need a total overhaul. But, Birdy, I have to find out if this thing with Cristian is something. Would you miss the chance for real, true love?’ she asked me, her eyes big and round.
Don’t get me wrong, I love a happy ending, but Cristian was not it.Ugh. I couldn’t bear the thought of another undeserving arsehole taking up space in her good heart. And yet, I couldn’t tell her that. I had learned, through bitter experience, that lecturing and intervention didn’t work with Heather, when it came tolove.
My job, as Heather’s best friend, was to support her, despite all my reservations.
‘Ifthis is what you want, then go get the cobbler. Be in love!’ I sighed.
‘Oh, fuck off. You’re taking the piss.’
‘Sorry, I’m not. It’s just a bit sudden,’ I said.Support her, Elizabeth Finch. I looked her square in the eye. ‘If it’s what youwant, then I’m happy.’
‘You’re happy for me?’
‘Do you need me to be?’
‘No. But it would help.’
‘Well, obviously I’m a bit worried, because that would be normal, given the circumstances. But I’m happy for you, if it’s really making you happy,’ I said, my knee starting to jig. I didn’t like this, not one bit, and I hated that I couldn’t tell her how I felt.
‘I just feel like I need to give this thing with Cristian a go. I know you think he’s a bit of a good-time dude or whatever, but he’s actually really sensitive. The sex is magic. Like we are so connected, and I’ve been really, properly sexually adventurous with him. When we make love …’
‘Ugh, don’t say “make love”, it makes me itch.’
‘Makeloooove?’ she said, all sexy.
‘Yes. Yes, yes,’ I jumped in. ‘Okay, Italy. All the coffee and carbs. Can I visit, at least?’
‘Of course! When I’m all settled, though,’ she said sheepishly. ‘Thank you, Birdy, it’s a big relief to tell you.’
‘Have you toldthem? The hotel?’ I sighed, resigned to waiting an estimated three to four months before this whole thing caught fire and burned everyone to ashes, including Cristian’s poor girlfriend. I would be there to pick up the pieces, of course. I always was.
‘No. I’m not going to. I can’t face it.’
She tried to wave away the conversation, and I paused for a moment. That wasn’t like Heather. She was normally so professional. If I heard alarm bells before, now I heard air-raid sirens going off.
‘Heather, don’t be daft. Youhaveto call them,’ I said incredulously. ‘Make up an excuse.’
‘I can’t lie. I’ve got enough on my plate.’ Her voice was tight and high, and I felt my shoulders straighten as I readied myself to try and talk sense into her.
‘Just tell them you were in a car crash. Or you have Ebola. Or you got stabbed, in a case of mistaken identity. Everyone’s getting stabbed these days.’
‘That’s not funny,’ she said sharply.
‘What about you were stabbed through the rib outside an Internet café in Benidorm?’ I said, on a roll.
‘What?’
‘No one would dare think you made it up. It’s good. Trust me. You got stabbed in Benidorm. Is it Benidorm ortheBenidorm?’
