‘Do you know the full story yet?’
‘Oh yes,’ she replied. ‘And it’s quite a lot to take in. I’m still not sure if I fully believe Irene’s account. It means my dad was, well, an arsehole …’
‘He wasn’t to you,’ I said quickly.
‘Irene said she had an affair with Dad. One or two nights, very early on in Mum and Dad’s relationship. Before me, obviously.’
‘God, I just can’t imagine Irene …’
‘She said it was a mistake, but that she cannot regret it, because it gave her James.’
‘But how did your mum not …?’
‘Listen, Birdy, for God’s sake, and I’ll explain.’
I zipped my mouth shut with my fingers.
‘Dad and Irene worked at the same restaurant together in Edinburgh. That’s how he met Mum, actually. Mum was a nurse, so they were all doing this kind of crazy shift work, and Dad and Irene had a couple of nights when … well, you know hospitality: late nights, drinking, whatever. It’s a close business. Irene regretted it, and wanted to come clean to my mum.’
‘God, imagine,’ I said. ‘Your mum must have been so hurt.’
‘Sure, but in the end Irene says she never got to tell Mum. Dad insisted that he would be the one to come clean. But Irene doesn’t know exactly what he said – just that Mum never spoke to her again. Never took a single call. Nothing. And then they abruptly moved to London. My dad made it clear they didn’t want to hear from her. So Irene took off to the west coast.’
‘So your parents flee to London, and Irene is what … pregnant?’
‘Exactly. And she takes a job at Loch Dorn, and the owners look after her. Put her in her own cottage. Help keep her on her feet. I mean, she was only like twenty-five or something.’
‘But why didn’t she tell your dad about James?’
‘She was ashamed at first. That would have totally devastated her sister. The nail in the coffin, I suppose. But then, when Irene finally did pick up the courage to reach out, Mum had died.’
‘Oh God, that’s devastating,’ I said, aching for Irene.
‘Irene was kind of careful about how she put this, to protect James’s feelings, I suppose, but she said Dad made it clear he didn’t want a relationship with James, and so that was that.’
‘Shit! Poor Irene. Poor James.’
‘My father turned out to be worse than yours,’ Heather said, trying to make a joke of it.
‘Maybe he didn’t want you to think less of him. You were the apple of his eye,’ I offered her.
‘I guess so. He was a great dad to me, in every other way.’
‘But why did you keep it secret fromme?’
‘Because it’s always been you and me,’ Heather said, looking directly at me, ‘and I was scared of how you would feel.’
‘I would have helped you. I’d like to think I would have been thrilled and excited for you …’ But as I said it, my voice trailed off and I realized that if Heather had gone to Loch Dorn without me – if everything had unfolded as it should – I would definitely have felt left out too.
‘I wanted to find out for myself first. Irene was pretty easy to locate. A quick google and she came up on a lot of hospitality sites, and then I saw the terrible Loch Dorn website.’ There was a trace of a smile as Heather said this, but she continued, ‘I was so scared there was something terrible behind my dad’s decision to hide it from me. But these memories I have of Mum talking about a sister kept chipping away at me. They are so alike in that photo, aren’t they? I feel so sad that perhaps Mum wanted to forgive Irene, but never got a chance. Like enough time didn’t pass or – maybe worse – Dad didn’t let her?’
‘Maybe it’s best to imagine there was a lot of pain on all sides?’ I said. I just didn’t want Heather to have to hate her father.
‘Well, yes. Speaking of which, you really need to deal with your issues,’ she said, without mentioning seeing a therapist, though that was what she meant. She clearly wasn’t going to let me get away withmy crime that easily. I’d still got a long way to go before she would trust me again.
‘What about James?’ I dared to ask eventually, my voice tight as I thought of him.
‘James has his own plans in motion. He wants to go and work abroad for a bit.’
