‘Ahh, Irene,’ I said, nodding my head and smiling along.Who the hell was this?
‘Yes, yes,’ she beamed. ‘Oh, this is just wonderful. And, you know, Russell is here somewhere. At least he said he was coming, but I don’t see him yet.’
Bill, Russell, Irene. Who the hell was this lady, and how quickly could I get away?And then, when my ears settled on her soft Scottish accent, I gasped. ‘Irene!’
‘Yes, dear,’ she said, laughing now.
Oh shit!
I had not made the phone call yet. The very important call to tell the Scottish hotel that Heather was not coming to Scotland for the job. The call I was supposed to make that day. And then right there, hauling me in for an enormous hug, both arms fast around me, was Heather’s soon-to-be new boss. And she thoughtIwas Heather. Well, of course she did. It was printed in black ink around my neck.
I waited for a moment, until it wasn’t rude to extract myself.
‘Hi, Irene,’ I said.Could I explain the mistake?I decided to try to buy myself some time while my drunk brain attempted to figure it out. ‘Did you try the Silver Medal winner? It’s quite good. Lots of cat’s wee on the nose.’
‘No, no, but thanks for the recommendation.’ She winked at me, just as I saw Tim on his way back. I knew he would not be able to resist this situation – a delicious misunderstanding, which could be milked for maximum laughs when retold over a fourth pint of ale with Damo. I wanted to leave, but Irene was pouring herself a glass, and I didn’t want Heather to appear rude by disappearing suddenly.
‘Why, hello there, madam,’ Tim said as he joined us. ‘I’m Tim McTimothy. Like the badge says.’
I sort of giggled and snorted and watched in horror, unable to do anything.
‘Irene Reid. I’m the manager of Loch Dorn, and we’re so delighted to have Heather with us. Even if it’s only for one summer.’
It took a moment. Tim cocked his head, puzzled, and as I very subtly and slowly shook my head at him, the penny dropped.
‘Oh. I get it. Heather’s new boss, right?’ he said with a throaty laugh. He put his hand out to steady himself on the table, and I wishedI was close enough to do the same. ‘Well, isn’t this a massive fucking coincidence.’
I burst out into fake staccato laughter.
‘Yes, it’s wonderful. And it’s very nice to meet you too, Tim. Is that the Sauvignon?’ Irene asked as he downed the last third of his glass in one go.
‘Uh. Irene?’ My head started to spin as I tried to think of a way to level with her.
‘Yes?’ she said, as she took barely a sip of her own drink. ‘Oh, isn’t this so wonderful. It’s great to put a face to the name I’ve been hearing so much about. Bill was absolutely effusive, and we’re thrilled that you’ll be joining us. What a summer we’re going to have! You’re going to love our little neck of the woods. It’s stunning. But listen to me going on. What were you going to say?’
I looked square into her kind, excited eyes and didn’t want to see the disappointment and condescension that would inevitably fill them when I told her who I really was. I felt the tingle of booze coursing through my veins. The look of pure excitement at meeting me – or, rather, Heather – that look was intoxicating. I couldn’t resist. I couldn’t stop myself rolling around in that feeling, at least for one night. I’d make good tomorrow, somehow.
‘I can’t remember. Did we, um, organize accommodation yet?’
‘Oh yes. A spacious room in a lovely little cottage is available to all our staff. Bill must’ve gone over all of this?’
‘Oh yes, of course he did,’ I said, pointing to my glass. ‘Better go easy on the cat’s wee. I’ll forget where Scotland is next.’
Irene laughed heartily and, before I knew it, I was professing my excitement at coming to Loch Dorn, while she regaled me with tales of horse-riding, fresh air and lobsters the size of my head.
It was a good thirty minutes before she finally glided off. ‘I’ll pop back and say goodbye – don’t sneak off,’ she said.
I turned to Tim, and the excitement morphed into panicked laughter. ‘What the hell am I going to do now? I’m supposed to pull out of that job, for Heather. I was supposed to do it today!’
‘That was fucking hilarious.’
‘Yeah, but now what?’
‘You know, you should just go and do it,’ he said, putting his arm round me and yanking me in close.
‘Don’t be stupid,’ I said, pulling away, irritated at the show of affection that always arrived after this much booze, but never when sober.
‘Why not? You can’t go back to your fucking parents. You said you don’t even speak to them.’
