‘Reception?’ I feel a chill through my body. ‘What do you mean?’
‘We’re here, Birdy! We’re in our room and I need to charge my phone,’ he replies, as if he’s been very clear on this already. ‘Lovely view of a tree out one window, and the car park out the other. Bloody isolated, though – nearest pub is eighteen minutes away. We timed it. I don’t know how you cope.’
‘Oh my God, you’re here,’ I reply, feeling sick to my stomach.
‘Yeah, baby. We’re really excited. I’m wearing Damo’s velvet blazer, like I did at the Wine Awards, for continuity.’
‘Oh, good Christ.’
‘Damo’s already been at the bar.’
‘I told you not to fucking come. I told you we weren’t seeing each other any more.’
He bursts out laughing as if this is the funniest thing I’ve ever said. ‘Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard all that before.’ And I guess, to be fair, I have told Tim I didn’t want to see him before, and then ended up sleeping with him again.
‘SURPRISE!’ yells Damo in the background.
‘What the hell?’
I hear the floorboards creak as James moves about on the second floor, and realize I need to get up to the main house and shut this down as soon as possible.
‘How the hell could you turn up?’ I say as loudly as I can, while hurrying up the path towards the house. ‘Tim, this isn’t funny.’
‘I thought the whole pointwasthat it’s funny?’ he retorts.
‘Well, yes, but things are more serious now. I can’t have you ruin this.’
‘Calm down.’
Can I fix this?My mind is racing. Can I get Tim in and out without a scene? Oh Jesus, I told James that Tim wasn’t important, and now he’s visiting? FUUUUCK!
‘I just saw your boss, Irene, again. She checked me in, and she seemed fine. Lovely lady. Damo thinks she’s hot, but you know he likes a mature lady,’ Tim says, laughing.
‘She checked you in?’ I say, gasping.
‘Yep. She was a little confused about the one double bed, but don’t worry, I didn’t say I’d be staying with you,’ he says. Then I hear Damo roaring with laughter again in the background and I cringe. Oh God, this is a fucking nightmare.
I begin to race back up towards the main house.He can’t talk to anyone. He can’t talk to anyone. He can’t talk to anyone.
I try to sound calm. ‘I’m only just keeping my shit together and, with you here, everything could fall apart. You can have dinner at the restaurant, you can spend a few hours in the library room with the whisky and then tomorrow, right after breakfast, you have to go.’
I swing open the staff entrance and run – tits first – into Roxy.
‘Hi,’ I squeak. ‘Christ, sorry. Are you okay?’
She gives me the sharpHello, Heatherattitude, with the purse-lipped smile I’ve been getting of late. I deserve it, but it still hurts.
‘All right, all right,’ Tim is saying calmly. ‘Christ, calm down, Birdy.’
‘Sorry to interrupt, Heather,’ Roxy says. ‘Just letting you know I’ve set up for the ladies’ Auxiliary Club tonight. They’re having the special set meal: it’s fifty-five a head for the budget wine-flightand three courses, but I’ve put all the information in the staffroom. They’re really nice, but, you know, no tips.’
‘Okay, thanks,’ I say, smiling meekly.
I slip past Roxy, wait for the door to close behind me and whisper as angrily as I can, ‘You called me “Birdy”, for fuck’s sake. You’re going to fuck this up. What’s my name?’
‘Mate. Calm down.’
‘What’s my name?’
